GothGirlNinja

(mum's telling us to turn off the TV) Mum: I've told u 1,000 times. TURN IT OFF!!! (jack and I ...

(Dad and I are outside at night time) Dad: It really is nice out. Me: Yeah... (Wild animal bar...

(My brother trying to prove that my dad ignores him) Brother: DAD! HELP ME!! Dad: Ryan. Shut th...

*I had just temporarily moved in with my parents after a recent divorce* Mom: Here, I bought yo...

(Note: I have always been way too skinny, and I have been trying to put on weight for years. Yes...

*Mom taking family picture at Grandma's 80th birthday* Mom: OK, say cheese! Grandma: Sex! Cous...

Mom (leaving a message on my grandpa's phone): Call back, it's your favorite daughter. Grandpa: ...

Mom: (while driving me to school) Are you dating that punk weirdo? Me: No mom, we're just friend...

(My Father, in a bar, saying that the music on a jukebox stops whenever someone says something em...

*Dad and I are discussing the similarities and differences between the Doctor and the Jedi* Mom:...

*My dad and I were at the mall and some guy was handing out free samples of their new fudge* Fre...

(Talking about the bells my brother bought at an auction) Dad: No, you can NOT play with your br...

Dad: Don't they inject butt fat into lips to make them look bigger? Sister: Yeah Dad: So when y...

(My Aunt Shawnay And Her 9 Year Old Daughter Angelique) Mom: Angel, I gave you permission to bec...

(at a family reunion to celebrate my godmother's return from a 2-year mission in Africa.) Me: (A...

Mom: What are you doing? Me(sarcastically): Oh, just building a meth lab in the basement. Mom: ...

(after beating my dad at ping-pong for the first time, I begin a celebratory dance) Dad: Great y...

(my ex, who my mum was never a fan of, knocks on the front door) *Mum answers* Ex: Can I talk t...

(Mom driving our family down the street telling us about her childhood in that neighborhood) M...

Me: Can I use the wii? Dad: Why, are you asking if you can go to the bathroom? Brother: It's a ...

After some dick stole my phone in middle school and had the nerve to call my mom and tell her I l...

(My mother got two bruises on her wrists because our dogs lunged while she was walking them.) El...

(I am a 15 year old female, and my grandma just asked me if I cuss) Me:...Yeah... Grandma: Fait...

Me: I was thinking we could go on a road trip to Canada next summer. Mom: Canada is a pointless ...

My friend was bummed out about turning 30 and no one was doing anything for him. I mailed him a ...

While parked for a moment, I was watching a guy mowing his lawn. Also in the lawn was his very la...

Today is the first time in 7 years my years my Grandfather remembered me. He has had Alzheimers s...