The latest from Lunar_Guardian
Sister: Did someone just call me an idiot? Grandma: No, but we're all thinking it.
(After telling my father that I'm gay) Dad: Well you know that not every girl is right for every guy. Maybe you should go out and "practice" with a few girls. Me: Are you telling me to sleep around? Dad: Don't tell your mother.
Me: I'm adopted Mom: I'd hate to say it, but you're not adopted. Me: Fine, I'm the milk man's kid. Dad: Oh no, your adopted, they just didn't want you, so they returned you.
(As i'm walking into the kitchen) Mom (to my dad): "You can't just put ketchup in someones armpit and not expect them to hit you!!"
Dad: What the f**k?! Wait I'm trying to stop cussing. What the hell?! Me: Dad, that's still considered cussing.
Brother: "Why is your tongue so blue?" Me: "Oh, I had a jolli-" Dad: "She saw the Blue Man Group. It's how she got free tickets." Me: "Dad!"
*talking to my mom, a Dutch immigrant, about my trip to the Netherlands* Me: [Fries with mayo and coke]{I said this in Dutch} Mom: Okay, just don't say Coke, say Cola or Coka-Cola, otherwise they'll give you something else...
Dad: I do not approve of you losing your son on vacation, so don't do it. Huh, "These Actions are Not Father Approved". There's a title for your autobiography.
Grandma: If you get hit with a bucket of sh*t, be sure and close your eyes!
(While shopping for a dresser with lots of drawers in it) Me: There's lots of storage space in it. Mom: ...for sex toys!
(phone call from dad while he is coming home form work) me: hello dad: hey son can you do me a favor? me:doe's it involve making tea? dad: well, yeah me:ok i'll make you some tea dad: your a good son, i dont care what your mother says
(My dad carrying a new can of soda) Mom: Hey, where did you get that soda. Dad: Where did you get that beard?! Me and Mom: ???
me: i want to dye my hair black. grandmother: but you'll look like one of them nemo kids i see in the shops. they're called nemos, right?
(In front of Grandparents, parents and a large amount of family) Aunt: So are there any girls your hooking up with? Me: ..What? Umm not really Aunt: Guy's? I don't care I'm accepting, just want gossip!
(80-year-old Meemaw) I hate going to the grocery store on Sunday afternoons. That's when all the old people go.
