Lunar_Guardian

Sister: Did someone just call me an idiot? Grandma: No, but we're all thinking it.

(After telling my father that I'm gay) Dad: Well you know that not every girl is right for every...

Me: I'm adopted Mom: I'd hate to say it, but you're not adopted. Me: Fine, I'm the milk man's k...

(As i'm walking into the kitchen) Mom (to my dad): "You can't just put ketchup in someones armpi...

Dad: What the f**k?! Wait I'm trying to stop cussing. What the hell?! Me: Dad, that's still cons...

Brother: "Why is your tongue so blue?" Me: "Oh, I had a jolli-" Dad: "She saw the Blue Man Grou...

*talking to my mom, a Dutch immigrant, about my trip to the Netherlands* Me: [Fries with mayo a...

Dad: I do not approve of you losing your son on vacation, so don't do it. Huh, "These Actions are...

Grandma: If you get hit with a bucket of sh*t, be sure and close your eyes!

(While shopping for a dresser with lots of drawers in it) Me: There's lots of storage space in i...

(phone call from dad while he is coming home form work) me: hello dad: hey son can you do me a ...

(My dad carrying a new can of soda) Mom: Hey, where did you get that soda. Dad: Where did you g...

me: i want to dye my hair black. grandmother: but you'll look like one of them nemo kids i see i...

(In front of Grandparents, parents and a large amount of family) Aunt: So are there any girls yo...

(80-year-old Meemaw) I hate going to the grocery store on Sunday afternoons. That's when all the ...

(conversation about snacks) Grandma: We can make trail mix, I've got some cereal in the freezer....

Me:Night Dad, I'm going to bed Dad:Have PG rated dreams! Me:...

Grandma: I stopped taking math when they tried to tell me pies are square!

Mom: This is not a democracy, this is a dictatorship! And I AM THE DICK!

Mom: Was Germany involved in World War II?

(Talking about when I should study abroad in Germany) Mom: You should go in the fall. Then you...

dad: (after several beers) have you ever seen an 80 foot bonfire? me: no, why? dad: do you want...

Mom: I decided not to give birth because there was a 50% chance I'd have a girl Me: I'M a girl! ...

(We're watching something about a man who was murdered) Mum: "May I turn off the tv?" Grandmoth...

Dad: "Mind that remote. It's slippery as prison soap."

Dad: Get get your mum's pot. It needs to be put away. Me: You want me to put it in my stash? D...

Mom: Be good. If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, name it after me.

Me: I feel like my head is going to explode! Mom: Alright, as long as you clean up afterwards. ...

(i have two little brothers) Me: i am never having Children Mom: if i dont get grandchildren i...

Mom: "I need to go put my pajamas on." Me: "..You already have em on." Mom: "Oh. Cool!"