PwnzorTori

Mom: Your Aunt needs to learn about condoms. She breeds like a rabbit. Me:(silence)

(After graduating from med school) Dad: I always knew you were the smart one. I had you trained ...

Mom: Do drugs, get pregnant, become a crack whore, ANYTHING! Just DON'T drop the cheesecake!

Mom: You know you don't have to be married to get pregnant...I have a turkey baster!

Grandma: So, have you been kissing any boys lately? Me: *nods* Grandma: Have you been swapping ...

(after finally convincing my mom to try some strong alcohol drink) *mom fills up to the end of t...

(my dad just came out of the bathroom) Dad: MY POOP IS BACK TO NORMAL!

Brother: Hey Dad, when you die you can play guitar with Jimi Hendrix... Mum: and Jesus Dad: Don...

Dad: Can't hear you, I'm eating.

me: I'm so proud! I'm writing in genres I've never written in before! Mom: If it's porn you shou...

Dad: Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.

(mom expressing worry about dad going on a cycling trip on his own) Me: But you had no problem w...

Me: Why didn't you teach me how to work on cars when I was little? Dad: I thought you were ret...