Veggieburgers

If you are a girl with rather large breasts and a guy accuses you of stuffing, don't shout "PROVE...

Never try to impress your friends parents by telling them you go commando every Tuesday. #LFMF

When your cat gets sprayed by a stinkbug, don't pick your cat up to smell it, you will throw up.....

Pb is the chemical abbreviation for lead, not Publibdenum. The chemistry teacher will never forge...

If you like sleeping without any pj bottoms on, never wear a thong at night. Your dorm will have ...

When you try to be funny and suction cup eraser caps onto your face, think about it before you do...

When both of your parents are driving separately somewhere, be wise about which one you choose to...

If you see 2 electrical wires, don't hold them together to figure out if there is a current runni...

If your car's tires can't handle the ice without slipping and sliding, your sneakers probably can...

Never try out a machette on a small tree in Thailand when your parents are away for a second, you...

Make sure your mom is aware that pot can be incorporated into baked goods. Especially if she's a ...

Before you resign yourself to the idea that your eyesight is failing, clean your windshield. And your computer screen. And your TV screen. You might be surprised. #LFMF

Don't drink fizzy drinks while reading LFMF. When you cover your mouth when you laugh to avoid spitting on you computer the pop will got out your nose instead. It will not be pleasant. #LFMF

A small black portable external hard drive and a coaster look very similar in a dark room, however they do not serve the same function. #LFMF

If you decide to hock a loogie out of your car window, make sure the window is rolled down first. #LFMF

If you dance when you hear music do not play any while in the shower. Dancing+soapy water equals feet slipping and no matter how much you want to believe the shower curtain will save you....it will not. #LFMF

Keep an eye on your mischievous daughter when visiting with family whose kids are all older. Poison control will scratch their heads when you call to ask how bad it is for a 3 year old to eat a whole tube of fiber tablets. #LFMF

You don't have to freak when you're talking to a friend and remember to check for your daughter's answering text.You can't find your phone because you're using it.

While your husband might appreciate you walking around the house with your top off because your nipples are sore from breastfeeding, Jehovah's witnesses do not. #LFMF

When you've recently texted your mom and your girlfriend, make sure you check to whom you're responding. You might just tell your mom that you want to cuddle. #LFMF

If you want to build a snowman bigger than the guy's across the street, remember that packed snow is heavy. If you can't lift the pieces into place you'll be left with three frozen spheres in your yard until spring. #LFMF

Check the size of the .pdf file before hitting "print". Or you will print off 160 pages of useless information, wasting a lot of trees. #LFMF

No matter how bad fast food makes you have to toot, resist this urge while sitting on the booth in said fast food resturaunt. They are hollow and they make the sound very loud. Everyone will stop and look at you. #LFMF

When crossing the street to get to a friend, make sure that when she is waving, she's actually telling you hello and that it's safe to cross. She is, in fact, telling you that a car is coming. You will have to do a ninja run and jump to avoid being hit by a car. #LFMF

When waterproofing your girlfriend's new boots, make sure the can you reached for was, in fact, the waterproofing spray and not the gold spray paint. #LFMF

Always make sure your passport is valid before you book a flight and hotel in NY. #LFMF

Just because your winter coat has well-insulated pockets doesn't mean you don't need gloves. When you slip on the ice, you may break the fall with your chin. #LFMF

Hiring your 82 year old dad who has alzheimers to do some household repairs with the hidden motive of making him feel useful and giving him some extra income will make his year, but you will never find your closet door again. #LFMF

Just because your car door can open with the press of a button does not mean that you can do the same with the front door of your house. You will be very confused when it doesn't open for a few seconds before realizing that you're an idiot. #LFMF