aceblackbatdog2039

Watching TV on New Years Eve with my parents: Me: So Justin Bieber sang a Beatles song not too long ago. Dad: Really. Because if I wanted to listen to the Beatles, I would play a fu**ing Beatles CD. Not listen to a fu**ing prick who sings and looks like a little sissy girl. NEVER! How do you stand for this!?! Me: I was just letting you know. Dad:...BED TIME! That wore me out.

Me to my Dad, who's sitting on the couch with my cat: You two are exactly alike. You both spend all day on the couch unless you want something to eat. Dad, after a pause, looks at the cat: I think she's talking to you.

*phone rings* Me: *answers* This is road kill cafe you kill we grill it, this is Sam speaking! Mom's boyfriend: *hangs up* Mom: Why'd you do that!? Me: Don't worry he'll be by to pick up his fried raccoon in an hour.

(Sitting in the living room watching Star Trek: TNG) Mom: What are you doing, watching porn? Me: Yes, intergalactic porn. Mom: Ah, the good stuff!