The latest from bugbug88
My friend: I find it hilarious that you keep your medicine and liquor in the same cabinet. My mom: At least we keep the medicine on the top shelf where the kids can't get it.
Me: Do you want me to put your Snickers in the fridge? Grandma: What? Do you want me to put arsenic in a pigeon?
Grandma: Well if someone tried to pat me down in the airport I would fart on them.
Mom: It's not a family christmas until there's a gun fight.
Mum: So, whom are you texting? Me: Mum, this is a calculator...
(mom calls on phone) me: hellooo? mom: is there anything within' 5feet of you that you can use to kill a zombie? me: no? mom: youre dead. (hangs up)
*About to go out to dinner with the family* Me: Grandma, hurry up! We're about to leave! Grandma: Wait, I want to check the newspaper to see if my name is in the obituary!
Dad: Son, you think like me. Sometimes you think too much, sometimes you think too little, and then everybody dies in the middle.
(Dad hits rumble strips while driving.) Me: What are those for? dad: That's how blind people drive. It's called braille driving.
