deamonfroggy

Dad: (completely randomly) Have you ever just looked at someone and thought they should have been...

Me: *in my room with my door closed when my dad knocks on my door* Just a sec! Dad: I wanna show...

bullshitting with my dad Me: are you allergic to anything? Dad: (after 2 mins of looking in dee...

Dad: I will never be happy again. (2 seconds later)-Proceeds to rip a giant fart. Dad: Maybe I ...

*mom and I are watching an episode from the '80s, and there's a group of puppies* Me: Puppies! S...

(my dad walked up to our cat (Greg) and the cat ran away) Dad: Greg! How did you know I was goin...

*mom comes into my room in the middle of the night, drops some socks* Mom: (whispers) It's the l...

Me: DAD! There's a hair in my noodle! Dad: Excellent. Me: O_0

(While watching Jurassic Park with my nieces and a T-rex comes out) Dad: I used to beat up that ...

Dad: What are you doing today? Me: I have to renew my drivers license. Dad: Let's go grab some ...

(my mom and I got sunburn at the beach earlier that day) Mom: I'm taking my bra off, I don't car...

(My Dad, Mom, And I walking around looking in shops) Dad: My favorite part of going into the sto...

Dad: Son, I want you to have this. *Gives me an air hockey puck* Me: Why did you steal this? D...

Dad: WE'RE MOVING TO FRANCE SO I CAN HAVE SOME REAL GODDAMN FRENCH TOAST. Me: Wha- Dad: YOU HEA...

(My friend and I were watching a movie in the back TV room.) Dad: (picks up the broom that was i...

(At a diner with my dad and boyfriend, a good-looking waitress takes our orders) Me: Uhm, can I ...

Me: Why are you being so weird? Mom: Because that's how I roll.

(dad staring at our dog and laughing) me: Whats so funny? dad: Paco has such tiny balls!!

(After walking into my new apartment) Mom: It doesn't smell like sex. You should break in the co...

Me: Check it out! Batman Shampoo! Dad: *sniff sniff* Huh. Smells nothing like Batman. Me: O_o ....

(a choice of two video games - hunting or pinball) Me: Dad, which one should I play? Dad: Pinba...

Me: Dad, how would you react if I told you I was pregnant? Dad: Pfft. I'm too young and pretty t...

Me: In this light, do I look like a red-head? Mom: Ginger. Gingers, not red-heads. And yes. You ...

My sister bought a leather belt with her name burnt in it, soon after my other sister bought the ...

Me: Dad, stop yelling at the TV! Dad: I'm not going to stop yelling until they listen to me!

(Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch. I poke him, trying to wake him up.) BF: DONT TOUCH THAT D...

Grandma: Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer!!! Brother: (from other room) Uh... Dude? I...

*After moving away for college, talking with my mom* Mom: How are things? What have you been u...

Uncle: Hey, knock-knock. Me: ...Who's there? Uncle: Go f**k yourself.

*upon learning that I like country music* Dad: *makes a cross with his fingers* You are no child...