greendaylolkat

(After she has taken a bunch of benadryl for her allergies) Mom: *laughing evilly and loudly aft...

(Whilst watching a cooking program on TV) Mum: That's what I want to do, move to Scotland and fa...

Me: Mom, we're almost out of mustard... Mom: For f**ks sake, you're eating me out of house and c...

grandma: how are you feeling today??? Me: i still have a pain. It comes and goes. Grandma: are ...

*mom caught me masturbating when I was 16 and sent my dad to talk to me about it...* Dad: well u...

Unexpected thought of my mother: You are already eighteen... in the Renaissance you'd be a spinster!

Mom: Knock Knock! Me: Who's there? Mom: interrupting cow. Me (sighing): Interrupting cow who? ...

*my friend and I are hanging out at my place* Me to my friend: remember when i said my dad does...

*My sister is talking to her husband's 99-year-old grandpa who has four grandsons, including her ...

*Walks in kitchen and mom punches me on the shoulder* Me: Why did you do that? Mom: Because you...

(This is after my great grandma dies at her funeral) Preacher: ...And her souls looks down on us...

*Watching a Learning Japanese DVD* Lady on TV: *picture of an axe* Ono. Mom: Ono? As in, Yoko O...

*My sister flips her top lip under so it looks like she has no top lip* Sister: Mum, would you s...