junkmailboxlol

Mom: I don't care if you have 8 children with 8 different fathers from 8 different races, just as...

Mom: Get sexy, we're going to Target.

Mom: Do drugs, get pregnant, become a crack whore, ANYTHING! Just DON'T drop the cheesecake!

(watching a car chase) Mum: You need to pull it out faster then that. (looking at me) Dad: Tha...

Mom arrives home from the market: WE HAVE MORE JUNK FOOD THAN A POT FARM!

(At my Grandmother's funeral) Dad: Wow, there are a lot of people here. Mom: If only they knew ...

Grandpa to me: Kid, marry for money. You can find pleasure on any corner.

Dad: Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die.

Mom: "Are you still using the pill or are you just playing Russian roulette with your vagina?"

Dad: "When a boy asks how you like your eggs in the morning...say "Unfertilized""

(being hugged by mom) Me: Don't suffocate me! Mom: Shut up and get in my boobs!

(My parents before I was born) Dad: I think you should have a natural birth. Mom: Ok, I'll go n...

(While opening my Sweet 16 present from Uncle) Me:Oh wow, thanks for the jewelry box. Uncle...

Grandpa: Damn, my hand's getting stiff. Grandma: About time something around here did.

Dad: I want my tombstone to say 'He died by the fist.' Mom: What are you talking about? Dad: I ...

Me (to my parents): have you guys ever argued? Mom: yes, once. Me: was it bad? Mom: kinda, but...

Step-dad: Honey, would you love me if I got fat? Mom: As long as you still fit between my legs.

Mom: All the billboards around here are for weight loss surgery or divorce. Dad: Well, if you ev...

my sister: When the sun hits Titan's atmosphere, it creates organic compounds! Dad: Shut up, ner...

(while teasing my Grandpa) Grandpa: I didnt fight in 'nam for this crap. Me: Erm we're british ...

(on a camping trip) Me: Mom, I have something important to tell you. Mom: (flipping burgers and...