lamlam

Friend: I thought to much salt was bad for you. Grandpa: Life is bad for you. Incurable, sexually transmitted, and 100% Fatal.

Grandpa: Senility is great! I'm always meeting new people!

If you're horseback riding and in the process of falling off of the horse while it is running, do not attempt to stay on the horse by holding on to the reins. You will only swing under the horse. #LFMF

When sending an email to your geology professor, remember "libido" is the sex drive. "Albedo" is a surface's reflectivity. Don't confuse the two. He will be amused when you ask about snow's libido.

(Doing a survey for gay people's rights) Me: Mom, why do you support gay marriage? Mom: Because Dumbledore!