Mom: I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.
(Playing Wii Sports bowling) Dad: Your mom's got green balls.
Mom: Speaking of slutty people, did you brush your dog yet today?
Me: Dad, stop being a douchebag. Mom: He's not even a bag. He's just spilling all over the floor.
Me (after Dad complained about me always being on the computer): I talk to you! Mum: Yes, too mu...
(After I had been grounded from the computer when I was younger and started talking to my dad abo...
Sister- You guys, I think my water just broke. Dad- No, really? I thought you just dumped tomato...
Me: I'm going to take a shower. Grandpa: Don't get wet!