sharpie_sniffer

*Watching Walker, Texas Ranger with my mother* Mum: In Texas, there are no laws; there are only ...

Me: How do you like your coffee dad? Dad: Strong and black... just like my men

Grandma: I made an appointment to get the dog fixed. So after next Tuesday he will be a Jackie i...

Mom: Lets get some snacks up in this bitch!

Me: Mum, does childbirth hurt? Mum: Yes, it's like s**tting a pineapple.