slam_a_seel_care

Me: Hey Mom, another one of your quotes just made it on that website. Mom: *facepalms* Me: LOL

*All the family is gathered, celebrating grandpa's 80th birthday* Grandma: I never thought that ...

(Mom knocks on my door) Me: I'm getting dressed! Just a minute! Mom: (listening with her ear to...

(After she asked me to scratch her back) Mum: Now I know what children are born for!

(Dad accidentally sits down on my brother's right arm) Me: Careful, Dad, that's his wanking hand...

Me: Ya, so whenever someone tells you a story that you dont find interesting, you just stay "cool...

Me: *Hears a loud noise in the living room* Ma, what are you doing in there? Mom: Why, are you w...

*I just noticed my Dad's fly was down* Me: Dad...your barn door is open. Dad *looking down* Doe...

Mom: "You've got to kiss a lot of toads before you find your frog!" Me: "I'm.... looking for a f...

Grandma: (while pulling a shawl over her head) I'd make a good Muslim.

Mom: Don't flip that guy off! He may have a gun! -pause- Mom: And that's a bad habit....

Dad: If I was a unicorn, I would poop rainbows

Dad: WE'RE MOVING TO FRANCE SO I CAN HAVE SOME REAL GODDAMN FRENCH TOAST. Me: Wha- Dad: YOU HEA...

(At a diner with my dad and boyfriend, a good-looking waitress takes our orders) Me: Uhm, can I ...

Me and dad walking through London Me: Wow look at that Lamborghini. Dad: Well the joke is on th...

(My brother had just come out, and i was explaining to my younger brothers what it means to be ga...

My sister bought a leather belt with her name burnt in it, soon after my other sister bought the ...

Me: Dad, stop yelling at the TV! Dad: I'm not going to stop yelling until they listen to me!

My dad's response when I told him that I was a vegetarian for the first time one Christmas (exten...

Me, playing Angry Birds: Dad, have you ever played Angry Birds? Dad: No, but I've seen the movie...

(My mum gets cut off in heavy traffic): Mum: "WELL I HOPE YOUR NEXT S**T IS A PORCUPINE!"