snakegirl848

(My dad was abouot to get sugery to fix his shattered shoulder) Nurse: You won't see them come i...

My sister bought a leather belt with her name burnt in it, soon after my other sister bought the ...

(My gay friend, Josh, was on his way over to my house. My dad told me to make my bed, but I was b...

(Looking into the freezer) Dad: I'm hungry, but there isn't anything good to eat. Mom: The whol...

Me: Dad, stop yelling at the TV! Dad: I'm not going to stop yelling until they listen to me!

(Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch. I poke him, trying to wake him up.) BF: DONT TOUCH THAT D...

Me: So, last night, I had this crazy dream- Mom: Oh yeah? So did Martin Luther King, Jr. And he...

*After moving away for college, talking with my mom* Mom: How are things? What have you been u...

Grandmother: I think I wanna make a facebook... Under the name "Nita Weiner". Grandfather: Why d...

Mom talking about my bossy aunt: She's learned that she's not in charge in this house. There's ...

Mom: What's that thing called that's like a bagel with a hole in it? Me: ... A donut? Mom: *an...

My dad, after killing a cockroach: "The worst kind of roach is a COMMUNIST roach."

Me: If A rhino and I were hanging over a cliff and you could only save one who would you save, M...

Mom: Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Me: Hey Mom, I learned how to say "breakfast" in Russian! Mom: Vodka?

(Dad trying to learn how to use his new Smartphone) Dad: THIS IS ALMOST AS FRUSTRATING AS LOSING ...