thatoneweirdo

Dad: You know what I'll do when you bring a boy you like to meet me? Me(a little worried): What?...

(Sister helping me with Chemistry in the front room when Mother grooves into the room, singing) ...

12-Year-Old Brother: (Playing Mario Kart Wii with me) Come in behind me and I'll shoot you a mush...

(My friend and I were visiting her granddad (who I haven't met before). Other guests include my f...

(My wife and I going to the hospital while she's in labor.) Me: Excuse me, my wife is in labor. ...

*At a gas station on a snowy pass* Dad: Hey look, traffic! Go play in it! Me: I don't feel lik...

(Talking with my grandmother about how hard it was raising kids in the 60's) Me: Gramma? If it w...

*phone rings* Me: *answers* This is road kill cafe you kill we grill it, this is Sam speaking! ...

(Sitting in the living room watching Star Trek: TNG) Mom: What are you doing, watching porn? Me...