xrabbidxburrito57

My Grandpa (As we walk into the furniture store): "Excuse me, do you have any croutons?" Salesma...

Me and dad walking through London Me: Wow look at that Lamborghini. Dad: Well the joke is on th...

(My gay friend, Josh, was on his way over to my house. My dad told me to make my bed, but I was b...

Mom: Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Me: Hey Mom, I learned how to say "breakfast" in Russian! Mom: Vodka?

(Dad is driving me and a friend home after getting ice cream) Friend: I have sprinkles stuck in ...

(Discussing my trip to Costa Rica) Sister: Bring me back a monkey! Me: That's kind of illegal. ...

(while shoppong for perfume for my mom and getting a lady who works there to help us) lady: here...

(As i'm walking into the kitchen) Mom (to my dad): "You can't just put ketchup in someones armpi...

(Show my mom a picture on my new phone) Me: Look, it's the cat! Mom:(Puts phone up to ear) Hello?

Dad: LIKE A CHEESE STICK!! Me: Dad, it's like a G6...

Mom: My nose is cold... I need a nose mitten!

(Talking about who I'll marry) Dad: I'll accept any race, religion, and even gender but I draw t...

Dad: Do I have to talk to you about the birds and the bees? Me: Uh... no, Dad, that's really not...

Mom: Vampires have to be careful because of AIDS.

(After we kept leaving the door open in winter) Dad: Do you guys think firewood grows on trees?!

Me: We got some new students in my class today. My Mom: Oh, thats nice. What color are they?

Me: I'm off to the party I'll be back by 11. Dad: Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful,...

(Talking about the name of a store) Mom: No it was like a fish name, like Kevin.

Mum: I like the colour of your eyeshadow today. Me: I'm not wearing any eyeshadow... Mum: I lik...

Dad: "When a boy asks how you like your eggs in the morning...say "Unfertilized""

Me: I get to do the flour project! Dad: What's that? Me: It's when you carry around a flour sac...

(While trying to teach my mother texting lingo) Me: and what does brb mean? Mom: Bring your own...

Me:I'm mad at you. Mom:No you're not, you are definitely not mad at me. Me:What? Mom:Shut up!I...

Mum: So, whom are you texting? Me: Mum, this is a calculator...