xrabbidxburrito57

Upon my parents leaving for the weekend Mom: No parties. No boys. Dont glue your butt closed. Lo...

Me: Mom! What're you doing with my phone!? Mom: Deleting all the dirty joke texts from your frie...

Dad, on how warm we keep the house: Firewood doesn't grow on trees!

Dad: You know, there's more people who have been to the moon than people who have seen Jesus pee.

Me: Yeah, Dad. Free things are generally good. Well, except herpes. Dad: You know what's worse t...

*Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door* Mom: *opens the door and is about to close it* Jehovah Wi...

(talking about things I want to do this summer) Me: I think I would like to try bungee jumping t...