xtabbi

Me: why have you got your hand in inside the chicken? Dad: Its not my hand. Me: O_O

Mom: What happened to [your little son's] other sock? Aunt: He lost it, again! I swear, socks sh...

(While researching on a CD-Rom about anatomy) Mom: DON'T CLICK THAT ONE!!! IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING...

(Mom is about to go to the store) Me: Can you get me some tampons? Mom: What size do you need? ...

Father "I want you to order this for me first thing tomorrow (Monday). And with fastest shipping....

(talking about who I'm going to invite to my birthday party" Mom: Why don't you invite that girl...

Me: What's for dinner? Mom: BBQ chicken breasts. Dad: CHICKEN TITS‽

Mom: (to my dad) Why don't you have the dog lick your sack? Dad & Me: WHAT?! Mom: Or whatever y...

(PLaying Just Dance) Dad: My pelvic thrust has gotten weaker over the years Mom: Got that right!

*Watching Walker, Texas Ranger with my mother* Mum: In Texas, there are no laws; there are only ...

(Showing my mom Justin Bieber for the first time) Me: So, what do you think? Mom: Does his baby...

Dad: *takes a bite of my eggs* Me: Dude, you just ate like half an egg! Dad: Oh, you'll get ovu...

Mom: Why don't we go to Baskin Robins and get you an ice cream cake for your birthday? Me: What?...

my sister: i think my new teacher is a lesbian... grandma: why? did she talk about war in her ho...

Dad: "Cats are like velcro."

Mom: Today is May 4th and it is Star Wars day, do you know why that is? Me: I don't know know, w...

Mom: You know what sprinkles my tussy?

(On the phone with my dad) Me:My boss pissed me off today. Sometimes I want to hit her with a bu...

Dad: I'm a sex robot!! Sex robot!! yeaahhhhh!!! Mom: A broken one, you practically stay stationary.

(Looking at the giant plastic wrap our new rug came in) Me: Hey dad what's that? Dad: My condom...

(Im trying on clothes) Mom: No, that's too sexy. Boys will want to have butt sex with you. Me: ...

Dad: We're all just machines, really, aren't we? We can't survive without fuel, without food. It'...

(Dad is driving me and a friend home after getting ice cream) Friend: I have sprinkles stuck in ...

Grandma: (trying to remember her high school fight song) ...You bring the whiskey and I'll bring ...

(While taking a tour of my new apartment with my mother) Mom: Oh this is cool! Whats this? Me: ...

Me:(Showing my dad my new top) How do I look? Dad: You look pregnant. Me: O.O

(my dad giving me a lecture about focusing) Dad: Your focus lasers are...are shooting off into, ...

After my dad got pulled over for going 60 in a 45 zone dad (to cop): will you waive the ticket f...

Mom: I want to die like a Klingon! Probably with my teeth in someone's throat! Me: ...Should I b...