xtabbi

(Waiting in the DQ drive-thru, we watch a guy in the parking lot carrying a cake in one hand and ...

Mom: When you die and go to Heaven, God's gunna say, "You? I don't...I don't remember creating yo...

Me: How come dad's name is not on the deed to the house? Mom: Cause this is MY house your dad is...

Mum on finding scissors on the sofa: "You can't leave those there, you'll end up with two vagi...

(My grandma is an 80-year-old church-goer) *power goes out* Grandma: This is bulls**t! I have a...

(me asking my dad if new girlfriend can sleep over) Me: Can i have my gf stay over tonight? Dad...

(Just starting a random conversation) Me: So today me and my friends- Mom: YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!...

*while watching a circus show* Dad: how does he get that monkey to do that? Mum: I know how to ...

Me: "Okay, I have do have one new joke for you, but it's not quite p.c. - what's brown and flies ...

Me: I love you. Dad: Cool story, bro.

mom: i'm going to the club tomorrow so i need you to spray me with the tanner. it'll have to be A...

About halfway through "Return of the Jedi" Mom: (re: Endor) Oh, are they back on Earth now? Me:...

>opening Mother's Day gifts< Mom: What's this symbol you keep writing on all my cards?Me: Look...

This is my dad's favorite thing to say when I have a friend in the car with us. It varies from t...

*While talking about my grampa* Me: i wonder why he hasn't died yet Sister: Maybe god loves him...

*talking to me about sex* Grandma: You know, my first time with your grandpa sounded like "plok ...

Mum: your friend Josh, does he do martial arts? Me: no? Mum: amazing how he regularly practices...

(My mom wakes me up at 3 am screaming) Mom:Quickly there's a rat in my room, go kill it! Me(sti...

me: *sitting with my friends at Starbucks after school, none of them had ever met my dad before* ...

Dad(after finding out i was skipping gym class): son, if you're skipping class because you are ba...