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My mom, talking about my boyfriend who wears super-skinny jeans. Mom: You can date him. Me: Wh...

Me: Why does eating poppyseeds make you fail a drug test? Mom: Because they have opioids in the...

Dad: When I was in highschool, all the kids from the Catholic and public schools would get togeth...

(on vacation in Mexico) Dad: Why is everyone speaking Spanish here? Mom: Get out of my car.