5 Movies to Avoid Watching on Valentine's Day

Sure there are more depressing movies, or movies that will quickly "de-sexify" the snugglefest on the couch, but this isn't about that. The following movies should be avoided due to the INSANELY UNREALISTIC LOVE SITUATIONS they depict and that your relationship will NEVER EVER LIVE UP TO. Not ever, sorry, you'll never be that smooth (both with your words and your body hair). And, due to the fact you're watching a movie on the couch together, I doubt you have to fight the world to prove your love.

  • The Notebook

    By Unknown
    Why would you avoid this? Pretty obvious if you ask me...
    1) You don't look like Ryan Gosling. Sorry, he's sexier than you, and it's probably not a good idea to remind your date about that.
    2) Are your families keeping you apart? No? Are there seemingly insurmountable struggles separating the two of you? No, again? Well, guess what, watching The Notebook will just be a constant reminder that the two of you ordering the classic Italian at Subway isn't a very compelling reason to have hooked up in the first place.
  • Beauty and the Beast

    By Unknown
    Why should you avoid this classic?
    1) Can you sing? Do you live in a magical castle with anthropomorphic household items that perform incredible musical numbers? Are you a prince? Enough said.
    2) But, if you think you're lucky because you weren't cursed by a witch, well guess what, that unsightly back hair you've got going on won't just disappear when you find your true love. Nope, it's just going to get worse the older you get. Yeah, she's got that to look forward to. What a lucky lady.
  • Casablanca

    By Unknown
    Why you should avoid this honestly wonderful film on Valentine's Day (any other day is fine):
    1) Odds are the two of you don't have a love tempered by a war-torn world. And, you probably don't own a really classy nightclub (Hint: get one of those). Best not to remind your date of all the "adventure" she is currently missing sitting on your couch that's full of stains and beer farts.
    2) How does this movie teach you to show your love? Well, (SPOILER ALERT) you have to send them away. Good luck trying to get some while also telling them to leave you forever.
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's

    By Unknown
    Surprisingly not a good movie for Valentine's Day brunch:
    1) Your date will NEVER be as fancy as Audrey Hepburn. Nor will they be as bubbly or adorable. Also, is your date an escort? If yes, then perhaps you're not on a real date. Just throwing that out there.
    2) It's never a good idea to go into a relationship trying to "fix" the other person. Anyone who's tried that will tell you, knock it off. This movie teaches you all the wrong lessons about having a good relationship. And, I wouldn't want any of you to get the wrong idea.
  • Titanic

    By Unknown
    All that needs to be said is this: For your love to seem as wondrous and eternal Jack and Rose one of you needs to die. THE END.
    How's that for a happy Valentine's Day.
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