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Short & Sweet Tweets For People With Low Attention Spans

We know there are a lot of people out there who really like writing. I mean, have you ever seen a food blog? Paragraphs and paragraphs to scroll through before getting to the simple recipe that features some unnecessarily bougie ingredients. No thanks. We're more into the sweet brevity of tweets. Say it fast, and say it funny. Here's a bunch of fresh & short gems from the website. We salute you, Twitter pros.  

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  • 1
    Animation - I WANT BELIEVE Roxy @redrawnoxen Publix cake decorators should get $50/hr 9.9 M CAKE SPECIALTY 13:00 · 4/5/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 2
    Dairy - HULIA @barcinogens Replying to @redrawnoxen Every Day! 999 CHARACTER CAKE CHOCOLATE 5IN 2LYR EA $8.99 $ 999 NET HI 2a (S)
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  • 3
    Sky - The Chungus @captain_redose Essential Worker Vibes #forthepeople CALON Pisa FLOO Carpet $0 8851 ft 5:22 PM · 4/5/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 4
    Text - Mom On The Rocks @mom_ontherocks My toddler ran out of waffles in her pretend restaurant this morning right after she served everyone besides me and that's about the biggest fuck you she's ever given 12:35 PM · 4/4/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 5
    Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds My daughters wanted to be Avengers. Now it's Healthcare Workers because, "they're the real heroes". Well, in 20 years, who's gonna defeat a menacing, no-nonsense CGI villain, backdropped by sincere musical swells? I'm not supposed to say it out loud, but kids are dumb. 2:17 PM · 4/5/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 6
    Cartoon - Trẻ thee Pony @LilTreProd cmon son.. BB how tf am i essential worker
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  • 7
    Text - Eric Spiegelman @ericspiegelman My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it's called "VWhy Are You Doing It That Way?" and there are no winners 10:24 AM · 4/4/20 · Twitter Web App
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  • 8
    Dog - Elon Musk a @elonmusk So proud My dog got a haircut and now it looks like he gave up drinking 12:49 AM · 4/5/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 9
    Dog breed - Morgan Murphy O @morgan_murphy Hi this is my joke &my dog. His name is Jack. May I have a car please? A Elon Musk O @elonmusk · 13h So proud My dog got a haircut and now it looks like he gave up drinking 7:45 AM · 4/5/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 10
    Finger - Sweens @Sweensi My essential worker hands look like this.. so my wallet can look like this utterstock.com 659768479 6:10 AM · 4/5/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 11
    Text - Mark McLean @MdMcLean1 Sarah and the kids stopped by Great grandmas nursing home to brighten her windows and hopefully lift some spirits! Grandma hasn't been out in over 3 weeks due to #COVID2019 Nice to see each other and have a visit through the glass! After EVERY www moM vel ELLEBASI 9:25 AM · 4/4/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 12
    Text - U.K.: Meters 49 states: feet Florida: US NEWS • r/news · 5h A Florida county is reminding people to maintain a distance of at least one alligator between each other KEEP 1 ALLIGATOR
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  • 13
    Text - Jessie @mommajessiec I told a dad joke today and instantly felt the need to power wash the driveway. 11:54 AM · 4/4/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 14
    Text - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba This is like prison but without the sex
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  • 15
    Text - @olivia_vault Keto people will eat a full block of cream cheese a day and be like this is actually much healthier than even thinking about a slice of bread 12:27 PM · 4/3/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 16
    Photograph - dew @cheakbones 1:44 PM · 4/4/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 17
    Text - Betches betches @betchesluvthis the only good thing about 2020 is that drinking by yourself in bed is suddenly, like, chic
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  • 18
    Learning - Mirelle Ortega @moxvi_ Somedays I just want to reply emails with "ok" and this picture: LALD
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  • 19
    Text - Congratulations you successfully made it to April. WELCOME TO LEVEL 4 OF JUMANJI
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  • 20
    Skin - @sg_rose_ Quarantine day ???: the cat is trying to communicate
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  • 21
    Text - EAABIS BM$ JIETH AUTO CITY SCEDWAY @spencerh45 When the bartender said last call I didn't know it was gonna be for 2 months
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  • 22
    Text - Rob @_Bankrobber_ FUN GAME: when someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say "Like the murderer?!"
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  • 23
    Text - 1 hr · O Any of you guys ever accidentally drywall a cat into the wall? Not an April fools joke I 100% accidentally full on sealed a cat into a wal.. didn't even know they had a cat Please send me a photo of the hole in the wall Hey man I know it's late so sorry but I heard meowing from inside the wall and long story short I had to make a little hole in the closet for Ok give me a minute my cat to come out of. It's not your fault I'm not blaming you at all he was just used to roaming the
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  • 24
    Text - Carleen Ceraldi @ceraldi_carleen Porn Hub gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house. 5:49 PM · 4/4/20 · Twitter for Android
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  • 25
    Text - Jack of all Bos, Master of Horse @BoHorseManJack old folks get really offended when you don't know their music. like sorry gramps l've never heard of DJ Nirvana or Lil Zepplin 10:59 AM · 4/5/20 · Twitter Web App
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  • 26
    Text - Jeff Lewis @ChicagoPhotoSho A wild coyote running down one of the busiest streets in America during the middle of the day. (Michigan ave in Chicago)
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  • 27
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unic... @XplodingUnicorn Me: We should throw out that shirt. It has a stain. 5-year-old: It's a pizza stain. Me: So? 5: It's my pizza-eating shirt. The shirt stays.
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  • 28
    Hair - Summer 2020
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  • 29
    Text - Janet Forklift @janetforklift Joe Exotic's employees be like: Ojamettorkn Tis' nothing but a flesh wound
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  • 30
    Text - Wes Ellis @elliswes hey guys I'm having a tough time deciding who to believe. On one hand, the most prestigious doctors in the world are saying COVID-19 is something to take very seriously. But at the same time, this guy I went to high school with who "sees through the media" says otherwise. help 10:05 AM 3/19/20 - Twitter for iPhone
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