Wife Demands Husband Turn Down 'Dream Job' At Risk Of Her Career, Or She'll Divorce Him

  • 01
    Text - Posted by u/ThrowRa67129ka90ma 5 days ago 3 8 14 2 23 4 10 8 AITA for asking my husband to turn down his dream job for my career? Not the A-hole I'm going to be vague for privacy reasons, sorry. I (33F) am the breadwinner of our household. I have multiple, highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make 200k+, with potential to get in the 600-M's range. My company has not been hit that badly by COVID, so most of us have kept our jobs, but we're held to strict standards.
  • 02
    Text - My husband (36M) has a broad degree/work experience. He quit his job right before COVID hit, hoping for a better job in the meantime, and I was supportive. He spent a ton of time applying to various jobs, and finally landed an interview at Organization X. This is his dream job, in almost every imaginable way (I can't be detailed). However, it's paying about 65k a year, which would be fine except this job directly puts my job stability at risk. My company and this org. are adversarial, at
  • 03
    Text - It'd be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ. If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone. Even if I trusted my husband not to do that, my clients and company don't. Worse, b/c my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in. I asked him to drop from consideration for this job, since if he got it, we'd lose my income. 65k a year cann
  • 04
    Text - He was extremely angry, and said I was "selfish and only cared about money." I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him, but taking this job isn't possible. He continued the process behind my back, and got the offer. He wants to accept it, b/c he says his career needs to take priority and that I wasn't being a supportive wife. I feel so betrayed, and I've contacted all relevant higher ups in my company to
  • 05
    Text - I told him he could decline the offer, w/me watching him physically decline it, or he could accept the offer and move out immediately. I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all of my legal fees. I feel fucking awful. I still love him. I moved decisively, b/c this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts. He called me heartless and cold. It's true that I was prioritizing my career over hi
  • 06
    Text - FirmCampaign8221 Partassipant [1] 42.5k points 5 days ago 2 3 2 & 13 More NTA Some are saying you've decided your job is important than your husband. They're ignoring that he seems to have decided a job offer is more important than your entire career. I was ready to call you the asshole considering we frequently see people unnecessarily prioritize their career over their spouses when compromise is possible. However he's refusing compromise. To address the people calling this a trust issue
  • 07
    Text - Quelcris_Falconer13 3.8k points · 4 days ago · edited 4 days ago Shoot if the field is as intense as OP says, maybe he got the job BECAUSE of his wife. Maybe they're hiring him because they're hoping he'll let slip something out Or they may want to actively use him to gain insider info. Who knows? I love corporate espionage. NTA
  • 08
    Text - Millennials_RuinedIt Partassipant [4] 2.5k points · 4 days ago I think the fact that he's not considering the fact that his wife makes more than 3X what he will is stupid. It's like cutting off your entire face to spite your ears. Be happy that your wife is successful in her career and is willing to support the both of you. This is the 21st century get that macho bullshit out of your head. Either find a job that doesn't conflict, or go back to school so you can. I couldn't imagine throwin
  • 09
    Text - 3m2coy Partassipant [2] 993 points · 4 days ago NTA You aren't choosing between your husband and your career. You are choosing to not be with a man who is willing to sabotage your future over a job offer. He has the time to continue looking for another job. He is choosing a job offer over you and your livelihood, not just for now, but into the future. As a nice topper, he is gaslighting you and making you believe his choices are your fault. I'm am so sorry. He has put you into an awful si
  • 10
    Text - ausernameilike 79 points · 4 days ago That and the home life would be terrible too. Imagine not being able to gripe about your day to your partner (idk how secretive OP is with their work info, or has to be), or having to make sure your laptop is closed. A good day at work for one is a bad day for another. It'd be hellish
  • 11
    Text - KensieQ72 17 points 4 days ago Also, in terms of trust, how could she trust him when he continued the process behind her back after she told him the issues it would cause? He's already proven he's going to make choices for his own benefit, what's to stop him from deciding to cross a line again in the future? What if the new job says he needs to bring in something big in order to keep his job? Would he go behind her back again to keep his "dream job". He's shown you who he is. NTA. Bye boy
  • 12
    Text - Mahliki Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11.0k points · 5 days ago NTA - you told him from the beginning that if he took this job it would end your specialised career. He went ahead with the application behind your back. Regrettably, he put you in the position of choosing between him and your career. I think you made the right choice, you clearly resent what he's done and I can't see that getting better if you lose everything you worked for.
  • 13
    Text - Cocoasneeze Professor Emeritass [75] 6.4k points 5 days ago NTA. You've been in your career field longer than he has, he is straight up moving on with taking a job with your direct competitor, which will ruin your career. He's calling you heartless, only caring about money and your career, but he's only caring about his POSSIBLE career, not thinking about you and yours at all. This is bigger than just career and jobs, he has very little respect for you.
  • 14
    Text - Mirianda666 Asshole Aficionado [15] 4.1k points · 5 days ago 2 NTA. Absolutely and totally. Your husband is willing to destroy your career and your future prospects for a job that he does not yet have, that he does not have to take, and that may or may not work out, He's insisting that you are selfish for not wanting to torpedo everything YOU'VE worked for so that he can take this job. If he is willing to do this kind of damage to your reputation and your financial security, he's honestly
  • 15
    Text - obscurewittyusername 1.6k points · 4 days ago NTA I (F) am also the breadwinner and have held positions with a very high security 2 clearance in the past. To get my clearance they evaluated not just me, but also my husband and the political and career ties of my immediate family and my in-laws as well. If any of them had taken a role like your husband is attempting to take, my clearance would have been revoked. Like other posters I would guess that your husband is struggling with not bein

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