Favorite

My Dating Nightmare: Guy Snooped Through My Diary After Awful Sex

pop art illustration of man smiling | THANKS FOR THE SEX EXCUSE ME WHILE I SNOOP AROUND YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS got out of shower Jack standing over dining room table where had my note pads Turns out he read my therapy journal
Share
Tweet
Stumble
Pin It
Email

One night stands can be a rather enjoyable pastime to an otherwise lonely evening. However, sometimes they don't go quite as planned, and spending the night at home with your cat would have been a far superior decision than lying naked next to a stranger after an awkward session of pleasureless 'love' making. But what good is a trainwreck sex story if no one is there to hear it?! That is why we teamed up with The Single Society to bring you these gloriously terrible dating mishaps such as this one, about a total creeper with absolutely no boundaries or manners to speak of. Enjoy!

  • This is the creepiest and worst date I’ve ever experienced.

    Eyewear - LET'S DO THIS.
    Pin It

    I met Jack* online. Jack claimed he was just over six feet tall, so I just accepted the fact that he was probably 5'10. However, this recent dental school graduate had impeccable credentials.

    1. Relatively decent looking

    2. Well educated

    3. Gainfully employed

    4. No illegitimate children that he knew of

    Why not? Let's give it a whirl. 


  • I met Jack online, and he seemed like the perfect guy.

    Forehead
    Pin It

    Jack and I met at a local watering hole for a few cocktails and some pleasantly delightful conversation about our affinity for camping trips outside the city and our mutual disdain for people who cruise in the passing lane.

    …seriously though, f*ck those people.

    I might add that this was my first date after the quarantine lifted, and my vagina wasn't exactly as picky as it was several months prior to lockdown.


  • Until he displayed his first sign of self-importance.

    Hair
    Pin It

    All was going swimmingly until the waitress returned with Jack's credit card after paying the bill. 

    "Thank you for coming, Mr. Carter.* You guys have a great evening," the waitress said as we prepared to depart.  

    "Doctor," Jack replied. "It's actually 'doctor,' not 'mister,' Jack ostentatiously informed her. 


  • Which I (stupidly) ignored because I desperately wanted sex.

    Hair
    Pin It

    UGH. Really, Jack?! This was going so well, and NOW you have to be an ass hat?

    But AGAIN, since my vagina was driving the bus, I suggested we take things back to my apartment.

    A few cocktails later, we were going to Pound Town, and I was engaged in some of the worst sex of my life. But really…It was like he was literally trying to pound me into the mattress.


  • Which ended up being the most disappointing experience of my life.

    Portrait - I won't lie... BBC AMEF ŘICA
    Pin It

    We both fell asleep, and when I awoke in the morning I hopped into the shower whilst Jack got dressed and (thankfully) ready to leave.

    When I got out of the shower, Jack was standing over my dining room table, where I had several books, note pads, mail, and other miscellaneous belongings.

    After some awkward words and a bumbling embrace alas, Jack was gone.  


  • Before he left, I caught the creep snooping through my stuff...

    Pianist - WELL, LOOKIE WHAT WE HAVE HERE.
    Pin It

    As promised, Jack texted me later to invite me for dinner — to which I politely declined.

    Then I got quite possibly the creepiest, most fucked up text I have ever received.

    "It's alright. I just hope you stop feeling like you are riding your sister's coattails, and you stop feeling like you are less important than her."  


  • Turns out, he had read my f*cking therapy journal.

    Hair
    Pin It

    These are deep…

    DARK. Fucking secrets that I never spoke to Jack, nor any other human about besides my therapist.

    Jack read my f*cking therapy journal.

    I told him that going through my things was a blatant (not to mention creepy) invasion of my privacy…


  • He claimed it had fallen on the floor and opened up, ready for him to read. Excuse me?!?

    Hair - Are you f**king serious?
    Pin It

    "I didn't mean to read it. I was just looking at your books, and it fell on the floor and opened up to that page."

    Bull. F*cking. Sh*t.

    A pile of other things covered my therapy journal.


  • I blocked the psychopath immediately. Boy byeeee!

    Hair - You're obviously a psychopath.
    Pin It

    I told him that he was borderline psychotic and blocked his number immediately.

    *Name has been changed to protect the privacy of this tw*t waffle even though he CLEARLY doesn't give a f*ck about anyone else's.


  • About the Author

    TheSingleSociety
    Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.
  • -
  • Vote
  • -
Share
Tweet
Stumble
Pin It
Email

Next on CheezCake

Fashion Fail Of The Week: Sandal Socks
Comments - Click to show - Click to hide

About the Author

TheSingleSociety
Nikki is currently living in NYC with her husband (who she met on Bumble after experiencing the absurdity of online dating) and working in digital marketing. She clearly enjoys recording the ridiculous debauchery that is the modern dating scene. Nikki is also partial to a tall glass of Prosecco, her black/calico kitties, 90s music and playoff hockey. Drop her a line if you have a good story for her to write about.