My Dating Nightmare: The Cappuccino Cheapskate

• My most awful date was at Starbucks with a cheapskate date.

  

  After weeks of sitting at home with my cat, I decided to break my relentless dating dry spell to meet Jeff, a personal injury attorney hailing from New Hampshire with an affinity for long-distance running, craft breweries, and Cards Against Humanity.

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• Red flag number 1? He wanted a coffee date.

  

  To my dismay, Jeff proposed we meet for the dreaded coffee date. Typically I prefer to indulge in a cocktail on a first date because surely a little social lubrication never hurt anyone.

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• At STARBUCKS! Begrudgingly, I agreed...

  

  BUT ALAS, I agreed to meet Jeff for a delicious non-alcoholic beverage that fateful Saturday afternoon.

  Jeff suggested we meet at one particular establishment you may or may not have heard of.

  Starbucks.

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• But when I arrived, he was standing there holding coffee from McDonald's!

  

  Now, we both reside in NYC, a city with a plethora of delightfully quaint bistros I could have recommended to get a quality cup of joe, but for fear of seeming difficult, to Starbucks, I went.

  When I arrived for our date and saw Jeff the first thing I noticed was that he was already holding what looked to be like a fresh hot cup of coffee…

  …From McDonald's.

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• Red flag number 2? He was a massive, massive cheapskate.

  

  Unable to ignore the blatant look of confusion on my face Jeff offered me a fascinating explanation.

  "Oh, I got this from down the street. I figured I may as well grab this because Starbucks coffee is so pricey."

  Wow. OK. After an awkward pause, Jeff motioned me towards the line to fetch my own coffee whilst he sat comfortably in his armchair.

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• He blamed his frugality on his recent expensive divorce. Okkkkkk then!

  

  At this point, I was already convinced this douche was not my soulmate, but what really put the nail in the coffin was the apology he extended.

  "I'm sorry if I seem like I'm being a bit frugal. I recently finalized my divorce which was pretty expensive so I'm trying to tighten up my belt if you know what I mean."

  Yeah, I'm sorry too.

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• I listened to him b*tching about his ex wife for an hour.

  

  I spent the next precious hour of my life listening to Jeff complain about what a bitch his ex-wife was, and how they fought tooth and nail over things like silverware, a quesadilla maker, and a box set of Seinfeld on Blue-ray/DVD.

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• And hour that I will never get back. Ever.

  

  Moral of the story: Staying at home with your cat is WAY better than going on a cheapskate date.

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