Your Weekly Nonsense Horoscope (November 30 - December 6)

• Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

  

  Jupiter's making a pitstop at your sign, and the sun's hitting up Uranus; with all this movement up in the sky, there's bound to be confusion in your personal life. Someone you're close to somehow gets the idea that you have feelings for him. You definitely do not. Time to set the record straight before leading him on any further. Baby, it's cold outside, but you're not gonna be the one to warm my heart.

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• Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

  

  
  

  Mercury and Jupiter are hanging out, which means it's a great week to tidy up. You've been throwing yourself into work, leaving your space a total pigsty in the process. Make time to put your records on, and clean up your shitshow of a home this week. Outta sight, outta mind, and voila - clean slate!

  
  

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• Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20)

  

  
  

  The lunar eclipse in Gemini will inspire a creative change within you. In order for your creativity to flourish, you need to be in the right headspace. Get off all the socials, move your furniture around, dance like a wild child because nobody's watching - whatever it takes to get pen to paper.

  
  

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• Aries (March 21 - April 19)

  

  
  

  With the lunar eclipse in Gemini, this week is about letting go of something - or someone - that doesn't value you. 'What could she possibly be referring to?' you ask. Don't play innocent with me. I'm talking about the douchebag dude in your life. No matter how good his dick game is, he's not worth it. Discard him like last year's wardrobe.

  
  

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• Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

  

  
  

  Mars and Neptune are frolicking through the universe this week; likewise, you and your friends are frolicking through Planet Earth together. You'll bounce ideas, dreams, desires, visions, and goals off each other, egging each other on non-stop in your endeavors. This week, it feels like anything is possible if you and your friends just believe in each other.

  
  

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• Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

  

  With the lunar eclipse in your sign this week, your emotions are going to be running haywire. At the same time, you have so much on your plate that you won't have much time to check in with yourself. Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Instead, breathe in, take a power nap, and call your best friend for a desperately needed venting session.

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• Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

  

  
  

  The lunar eclipse in Gemini has you feeling like you're done with the same old shit. It's time to spice up your routine. Create a vision board, and stick with it this time around. If it takes setting your alarm a little earlier and funneling caffeine directly into your bloodstream, so be it.

  
  

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• Leo (July 23 - August 22)

  

  
  

  The lunar eclipse in Gemini has you feeling uncertain about your obscure future. Make this week about shedding some light on your own uncertainty. Be real with yourself. What the f*ck do you want in life? How are you gonna make moves? It's time to find that bright light in the darkness.

  
  

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• Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

  

  
  

  That lunar eclipse in Gemini everyone's been talking about? It's likely to bring a major change in your career. Instead of grasping onto what is familiar, embrace the change. Nobody likes change, but trust me, it'll be good for you in the long run. So hang on tight, and enjoy the ride.

  
  

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• Libra (September 23 - October 22)

  

  
  

  With Jupiter in Capricorn, your expectations aren't exactly being met this week. People have made promises to you, but they haven't pulled through yet. You're prone to carrying grudges, but try to access your patient side. Remember: good things come to those who wait.

  
  

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• Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

  

  
  

  With Mercury in your sign, you may need to take a step back from playing your friends' therapist this week. Being a true friend is your essence, but someone may not be ready to share the truth with you yet. So back the f*ck up, and give them the space they need. You're not Gossip Girl - you won't cease to exist if you don't know what's going on with everyone 24/7. Shift your focus to yourself.

  
  

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• Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

  

  
  

  With the sun in your sign, you may be tempted to overspend. After all, it's your birthday month, and you deserve only the best. However, the best can be affordable. Think less Saks and more TJ Maxx. You can be chic, cute, and cheerfully cheap at the same time.

  
  

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