Minor 'Inconveniences' Which Could Be Avoided If An Asteroid Hit Earth
I recently learned that back in 1989, astronomers found out there was a giant asteroid barreling towards Earth. Like, the size of a mountain. Like really effing big, y'all. It would have fcked up our planet, dudes. But guess what? It flew right past us, and now there is a special day to celebrate. It's called Near Miss Day (March 23rd), and it's supposed to be happy, but you know what? There is so much sht we wouldn't have to deal with if that asteroid had just taken out society as we know it when it had the chance. Like…
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1
Standing in Lines
Standing in line at the grocery store behind screaming children and entitled Karens who want the two cents off their egg salad NOW or they WILL smash this jar of mayonnaise on the floor can give you plenty of time to think about how you would rather be anywhere else in the world. For example, finding food for FREE in a post-asteroid wasteland. It might be full of radiation, but if it means avoiding the store? Worth it.
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2
Making Small Talk
"Nice weather we're having"? More like, "oh my god, that giant rock is coming right at us!! Run!!" No more tiptoeing around the subject, no more awkward silences. Just the deafening noise of an asteroid crushing the planet as we know it and the even deafening-er silence that would follow. Hell yeah!
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3
Wearing a Bra
You know what sucks? Having your tits mashed up against your chest all day every day, just because "society" says you have to. If society was destroyed, no one could tell you what to do with those gazongas. And if they did, you could just shoot them and it wouldn't even be illegal. Because there would be no laws.
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4
Calculating Tip
Nothing ruins a good meal with your friends like having to do a bunch of math to figure out who pays how much, and how much you should each add as tip, and who is paying with cash or card, and who ordered all these whole turkeys, seriously there's like 15 of them, how did we not notice that before? Well guess what? Math is just a social construct invented to torture you, which means no more society=no more math! If THAT won't convince you, I don't know what will.
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5
Eating Leftovers
If our planet had been defeated in battle by that wayward asteroid in 1989, we would NEVER have to eat gross, reheated leftovers. In fact, eating at all would probably be quite a challenge. And who doesn't love a challenge? (Me, I don't like a challenge. But I don't like leftovers more.)
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6
Shaving Your Legs
The collapse of society would also mean the collapse of pressure to look a certain way, which would seriously cut down your shower time! I mean, if you could find a working shower. Or clean water to bathe in. Or another living being to judge your appearance. Again...worth it, honestly.
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7
Doing Dishes
Dishes are one of those things that take up just enough time and effort to make you want to avoid them AND are just enough of a mess to seriously stress you out until you do them. You know what would solve that problem? You guessed it: asteroid!
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