Cops Lob a Hail Mary, Ask Mystery Owner to Come Claim Their Homeless 5-Pound Bag of Weed

Well, there you have it: today in shit that never happens, we have what shows all signs of a legit police station taking to Twitter to kindly invite the mystery owner of a homeless, sweet five-pounds of the Mary Jane to step forward and claim what's theirs. You know what though. It's 2017. We're having a hell of a first week as far as the extreme and unexpected, generally far-fetched news goes. So, is it really that hard to fathom mystery dude coming out the dark to reclaim his stash? Yeah, but for the sake of a solid story, please let something develop here. Please.