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Guys All Women Encounter At The Club

Just in time for hot girl summer, we're all out and about on the town again, which means we're moving drinks in the living room to drinks at the club. In case you've forgotten how social interactions at the club work (or how social interactions work in general), ya girl is here to refresh your memory. To optimize your night out, you need to know who to befriend, and who to look out for. Because I'm such a good friend, I've compiled a list of eight types of guys you meet at the club so you can prepare adequately before getting too intoxicated to tell the difference. Always remember the golden rule, Cheezcakers: prep yourself before you wreck yourself

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  • 1
    Vision care - Big, Bad Bouncer The first guy you come into contact with before getting in, the bouncer has the power to make or break your night. He can be your homie or the bane of your existence, depending on how drunk you are in line. So flash those pearly whites and fake sobriety till you make it in.
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  • 2
    Smile - Awkward Hoverer A clubbing first-timer (or his friends cancelled on him at the last minute), this guy will hover around your friend group and dance awkwardly forever - until you let him into your circle. If you're feeling generous, adopt him for the night. Cheers to new friends!
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  • 3
    Product - Backdoor Creep This guy won't even bother introducing himself or treating you like a fellow human. Instead, he'll come up to you from behind, grab your hips, and shove his junk in your trunk like you're on National Geographic. Not into it? Kindly tell him to f*ck off.
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  • 4
    Smile - Guardian Angel This wonderful man does everything in his power to fend off all the creeps surrounding you. Whether he fully pretends to be your boyfriend or generally glares in their direction, he has your back. Every woman deserves a guardian angel.
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  • 5
    Sleeve - Pompous VIP It appears Mr. Moneybags is here every weekend, booking a couple of VIP tables, buying top- shelf bottles, and calling the shots with the servers as if they've been working for him for years. Too bad his personality doesn't match up with his money. Drink and dash.
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  • 6
    Product - Drunk Bowling Ball This intoxicated hot mess is all over the place, tripping over himself and bumping into people like they're bowling pins. Evidently, his friends are nowhere to be found. He's harmless, lost, and way too drunk - best to call him a cab before he bumps into an irrationally angry drunk.
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  • 7
    Sleeve - Better Dancer Than You You pride yourself on your fire clubbing moves, but this dude will give you a good run for your money. His sole purpose at the club is to f*ck shit up on the dancefloor, and you're fully behind him on this. He may be a better dancer than you, but at least you've met your match.
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  • 8
    Chin - Sexy, Smooth, & Suave This perfect male specimen is a calm, contained class act. He doesn't need to troll for women. His suave aura simply draws them in. It's obvious that he has money to blow, but he's mysteriously lowkey about it. This tall glass of water will surely quench your thirst tonight.
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  • About the Author

    abbyadler
    Abby is a wandering soul who is incapable of staying in one place for too long. Her passions include travel, dance, karaoke, meditation, and cheesy fries. When she's not clacking away at her laptop and talking shit on the internet, you can find her tearing up the dance floor on a night out on the town.
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About the Author

abbyadler
Abby is a wandering soul who is incapable of staying in one place for too long. Her passions include travel, dance, karaoke, meditation, and cheesy fries. When she's not clacking away at her laptop and talking shit on the internet, you can find her tearing up the dance floor on a night out on the town.