30 Hilarious Scottish Tweets That Are the Perfect Cure for a Sunday Hangover

  • 1
    Text - Goudie @Goudie15 Barber could staple a pic ae yer maw gettin shagged tae yer heed but when he holds up that wee mirror you'd still be like ideal mate cheers 24/10/2016, 6:12 pm 2,854 RETWEETS 5,650 LIKES
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  • 2
    Text - foggy BRKL @ReganF36 A walked into a bar and says to the barman "Al take a water" the barman says "still water" a says "aye av no changed ma mind" 25/08/2016, 16:02 1,387 RETWEETS 2,237 LIKES
  • 3
    Text - Kieran Anderson @_AndersonKieran Mental how in America if ur on the basketball team ur one of the popular kids, but in Scotland it means ur either a goth or Polish
  • 4
    Text - Michael @mikehert_ ma wee brother had £100 n legit bought a caravan fi gumtree today n has decided to move into it, who sells a 14 year old A FUCKING CARAVAN
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  • 5
    Product - D @DylanBurnside98 She's going top left I'm guessing Hahahahah kayleeweirx bwin eeta 01/10/2016, 22:38 7,473 RETWEETS 12.3K LIKES F
  • 6
    Text - Text - Tweet JustMunz @_lamMunz_ @policescotland hi guys just a quick question, is it legal or illegal to slide tackle a goth? 05/01/2016, 01:26 7,040 RETWEETS 6,639 LIKES
  • 7
    Text - Dylan O'Neill @DylannnONeill Walkin the dugs n a guy asked are they jack russels? Naw mate their mine 28/03/2015 22:42
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  • 8
    Text - Gatzie @GarryCook Pmsl callums just failed his driving test cause he stopped to ask me if a needed a lift
  • 9
    Text - Tweet Gaul Plancy @paul_glancy Imagine how ragen bear grylls would be gon camping wae you. He's built 2 hammocks n skinned a deer n you've downed 2 cans n chased a badger 29/05/2015, 13:19 2,845 RETWEETS 3,136 LIKES
  • 10
    Text - Tweet Goudie @Goudie15 + When ye go to a lassies an their maws lit take ur shoes off an yer lit fs Barbara yer daughters a slut the carpets the least ae yer problems 02/08/2016, 8:09 pm 1,741 RETWEETS 3,936 LIKES
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  • 11
    Text - Tweet Butt Sea @Butsay aye don't put the change in ma hawn sit the coins flat on the counter so av tae claw n fondle them back awkwardly in front ae ye for 6 days 15/08/2015, 18:37 2,460 RETWEETS 2,800 LIKES
  • 12
    Text - blairmcginlay @BlairMcGinlay Wee boy across fae me is blasting "shoutout to my ex" on his heedphones, on yersel wee man plenty mare fish in the sea she wis a slag anyway 03/11/2016, 7:50 am 4,706 RETWEETS 12.9K LIKES
  • 13
    Text - Kyle @kylechristie0 Failed ma driving test today cos a picked up too many minors, no ma fault they needed a lift hame from school 22/09/2016, 18:20 10.5K RETWEETS 26.8K LIKES
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  • 14
    Text - Philip MacGregor @PhilipMacgregor Mums rajing cause she put the washing out then went on holiday for 10 days came back and it was still out kate that's no in my payroll hen 30/07/2016, 10:55 4,038 RETWEETS 8,878 LIKES
  • 15
    Text - Text - Chloe @ChloeBellCamp Just over heard a wee laddie about 13 saying to his pal "am defo grounded when a get hame, took the kitchen door for the bonfire" 05/11/2016, 8:01 pm 4,505 RETWEETS 13K LIKES
  • 16
    Text - Goudie @Goudie15 Sayin awrite tae somecunt in Tesco then havin tae hide in the biscuit aisle for 3hours so ye dinny walk past them again 28/11/2016, 18:34 999 RETWEETS 2,874 LIKES
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  • 17
    Text - Text - Daryl Gaughan @darylgaughanx The police came tae ma door and told me my dugs were chasing people on bikes ma dugs don't even have bikes 22/07/2014 21:29
  • 18
    Text - oo vodafone UK @ 75% 23:01 Tweet Ben Martin @benmartin1872 1d . A hate getting woke up like especially when ye canny get back tae slee t22 40 Jack Graham @JackGraham_x @benmartin1872 you faw back asleep at the end there? 20/11/2016, 09:19 382 RETWEETS 1,485 LIKES Reply to Jack Graham, Ben Martin Notifications Messages Me Home Moments
  • 19
    Text - Text - Ryan Bryceland @_RyanBryce Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says "have you got any nut allergies" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut 1:02 pm 30 Aug 16
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  • 20
    Text - foggy @ReganF36 BRKLA In Ma maths class n the teacher say to me"if u have £6.40 in 1 pocket and £3 in the other what do u have?" A says"Sumday else's trousers on" 03/10/2016, 3:48 pm 2,180 RETWEETS 5,011 LIKES
  • 21
    Text - angus scott @angusscottt Dae anymore lassies want to claim that they're a make up artist or is that us done for the year 4:46 p.m. 28 Nov 16 526 RETWEETS 1,275 LIKES
  • 22
    Text - Text - Ryan King @ryankingg Just seen a bird shoutin at her bairn to put his pants on then pointed at me sayin 'look the mans gonna steal ur willy'. Wtf no am no 19/04/2014 14:56
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  • 23
    Text - Steven @StevenMccallum Sisters got asthma and we got her they candles that dinny blow oot for her bday cake and aboot killed the cunt trying to blow them oot
  • 24
    Text - Gary Buckley @Naebor_m8 + Maw and dads getting a divorce cause ma da asked whit time it was and when she said tenish he whipped out a racket and pasted ma wee sister 31/01/2016, 11:03 am from Kilmarnock, Scotland 2,030 RETWEETS 2,269 LIKES
  • 25
    Text - AT @andy thompson96 Nuhin worse than someone geein it "where's your tan then?" after you've came back froma holiday. Where's your patter ya fuckin lizard
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  • 26
    Player - e 22% I .oo EE WiFiCall 22:45 Tweet PP. Paddy Power @paddypower YOU BEAUTY! Meanwhile in Scotland... Ross County unable to sell tickets online after their website was accidentally deleted SPFL Europe MLS 19/04/2016, 14:40 Reply to Paddy Power Notifications Moments Messages Me Home
  • 27
    Text - Connor Coll @connorcoll16 Driving instructor says u just back fae Tenerife n a went naw just the sun beds, n he went naw cos ur on the wrang side ae the road 04/01/2017, 14:53 15.1K RETWEETS 49.2K LIKES
  • 28
    Text - Text - montyfuck @montyyy x This weather leaves u in a dilemma either burn alive withur window shut or open it and welcome in 50 type of insects n somecunt selling PPI
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  • 29
    Text - Text - Liam Morrison @LiamJamesMo Changed the wifi name in the flat to Police Surveillance Van 1 just to bam up the drug dealer next door 07/12/2016, 22:04 1,105 RETWEETS 3,514 LIKES
  • 30
    Text - Text - Mark Finnigan @MarkFinnigan3 Folk tweeting loads about Donald Trump thinking they know everything about him, name 5 of his songs then 09/11/2016, 12:53 993 RETWEETS 2,558 LIKES


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