Manipulative Mom Expects Sister-In-Law To Cater Her Son's 1st Birthday Party For Free

Author image for Mayarey
Mayarey
Jun 16, 2021 1:30 PM EDT

It is really common to do favors for the people in our lives that we love and expect nothing in return. It's a part of being in a family or having unconditional love for someone. However, in order for something to be a 'favor,' it needs to be optional. It's totally unfair to force someone to volunteer to help you out, and especially uncool to constantly take advantage of their generosity. That's called manipulation people, and we are not about that life.

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  • 01
    Rectangle - r/AmltheAsshole u/ThrowAW19923 · 5h 1 1 AITA for not wanting to cook for SIL's son Birthday party? Throwaway for obvious reasons. Not a native speaker, so excuse me.
    via u/ThrowAW19923

    It was Reddit user u/ThrowAW19923 who asked if they were in the wrong for not wanting to cook for their son-in-law's birthday party. Clearly, there is more to this story because cooking a little something for a birthday party doesn't seem like the biggest favor...

  • 02
    Mammal - |(24F) work as a chef at one of the famous restaurant chains in our city known for it's delicious food. We used to work non stop all the day as our orders, you know, were really high(Pre pandemic). Needless to say, but our restaurant closed down during this lockdown and I'm staying home.
    via u/ThrowAW19923

    The narrator provides some backstory, how she is a professional chef and is used to the fast-paced lifestyle that is the food industry. However she does it as her career, it is not necessarily the easier 'favor' to deliver.

  • 03
    Hair - I REALLY love cooking and I enjoy it so much. As I have lots of free time, I do try out many recipes and upload vlogs often.
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 04
    Font - My sister in law's (25F) son's 1st Birthday is coming up soon and she asked me if I was willing to do cake. Obviously, I said yes. The party is gonna take place in my in-laws house which is like 2-3 hours drive from where we are and it's been a long time since we saw each other. Yesterday, she called me again to ask if I can cook for the party.
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 05
    Font - Overall, there will 10-13 person at the party.(All vaxed). I wasn't sure at first. She told me she'll help me and gave me a list of what she wants. It was Around 4-5 main traditional dishes with 3 side dishes and along with some cupcakes as desserts. I said it was too much even for both of us and asked her if we can order from outside. But she insisted she wanted my cooking as our family loves to eat my food. I told her l'll call her back later.
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 06
    Font - I gave it a thought but in end, I didn't want to. First of all, it's for more than 10 people and the dishes she gave requires 3-4 hours for prep + actual cooking, which means l've to get there earlier than the others. Second, she told me she'll help, but she will slack off in the middle and would always ask obvious questions even if I give clear instructions( happened before). Third, I'm already preparing the cake, so I feel like it's more than enough. I texted her back I didn't want to.
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 07
    Font - She then vented out to my partner and told him that l'm not cooking for his family even though I've cooked before for my family( my Family is comparatively small than his). Seems like she expressed that the whole family is disappointed with my behavior. It was frustrating when my partner confronted me and I told him that I'm already doing the cake and it feels like she's just using me. I stated my above reasons but he still wants me to cook since my cooking is delicious and they all love
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 08
    Font - He is still mad I guess and has been passive- aggresive the whole day. So AITA?
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 09
    Font - EDIT : WOW, huge thanks for all your responses. I just went through your comments and suggestions. Few people asked if she offered to pay for my service, no. As much as I know, she won't. Also I hope she'll buy the ingredients, if not, it's obviously NO for me. I'm not sure but there's a chance of her bringing up the topic, of splitting the bill. I won't let her to do so.
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 10
    Font - Also some suggested to make a list of work to be done and send it to her along with the costs. It's actually a great idea. So l'm thinking of sending her all the workloads to be split up between us(or else l've to get professional help) , the cost of ingredients, pay of sous chefs/caterer, if hired and as well as mine( I'm not gonna charge them for real, but just for the context to scare her lol) Overall, I'm gonna make sure that I need extra hands and pay in advance and if anything chang
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 11
    Font - As you-all told, she wants me to work for FREE, which I can't. So I guess me sending her a huge list along with the costs will be a surprise. Sol pretty much except her to back off and order out/ hire people. 1 1.6k 3 T, Share 199
    via u/ThrowAW19923
  • 12
    Font - teresajs · 5h Prime Ministurd [409] NTA If you have to start prep at home, you would need to even do the shopping. I wonder if she expects you to pay for the groceries as well. It's smart of you to say no. If you continue to get pressured, don't make the cake and don't attend the party. G Reply 1 724 3 ...
    via u/Prime Ministurd
  • 13
    Font - tiffoooooooo • 5h Asshole Enthusiast [6] NTA - SIL is entitled and asking you to do a ton of work. Partner is also an AH for not supporting you when you've already agreed to make a nice cake, which also takes more time than people think it does. 6 Reply 1 435 3 ...
    via u/tiffoooooooo
  • 14
    Font - yourlittlebirdie · 5h Professor Emeritass [77] 1 Award NTA. That's a huge favor to ask of anybody and you are totally within your rights to say no. Your SIL and partner are being completely unreasonable. G Reply 4 1.9k ...
    via u/yourlittlebirdie
  • 15
    Rectangle - jammy913 · 5h Asshole Aficionado [13] NTA. And because you're a chef, they should listen when you say it's too much. You'd know better than they would. Reply 4 243 ...
    via u/jammy913
  • 16
    Font - gilli20 · 5h Partassipant [1] NTA - I'm assuming she's also expecting you to bring a gift for her child? That makes you a guest, not the host. Also she may be offering you help now but who is going to do the prep and set up for the party? I would tell her that you are already doing her a favour by doing the cake and you would like to enjoy the party and not do all the work. Also this may be a cultural difference but I have never heard of having such extravagant food for a 1 yr olds birthd
    via u/gilli20

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aita manipulative Awkward unfair family Reddit mom weird
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