Tumblr User Turns Unleashes Incredible Hulk Rage Over Burrito

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mattstaff
Jun 27, 2021 9:00 AM EDT

There are people in this world that absolutely aren't playing around when it comes to their burritos. This Tumblr user's fiery rant about their experience with a burrito that definitely didn't live up to their standards is one for the books. It sounds like the thing was an unacceptable mess in their eyes. Hopefully whoever was responsible for putting together the burrito in the first place never comes across this biblical verbal takedown. 

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  • 01
    Tableware - BEANS CHEESE GALAMOLE I MEAT RKE SOUR CREAM LETTUCE CILAUTRO SALSA Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Lucky Shirt in Comedy Coner Intruding Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word “burrito" to describe
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  • 02
    Font - a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I'm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: You'r
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  • 03
    Font - ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito's end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredi- ents in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly with has AT LEAST A trapped in a cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURS
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  • 04
    Font - When you eat a burrito, you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a Rancor. Humans can't usually dislocate their jaws, and I'm not a must think that's how it's done, since that pelican. But you would be THE ONLY WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito. And guess what else, player? You probably can't guess anything, because I'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some case, here's what: into a tortilla,
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  • 05
    Font - Humans also don't eat burritos like corn on the cob. Like a typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT'S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE
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  • 06
    Font - CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT T HOPE IT'S NOT ANOTHER SALSA РОСКЕТ. You built this thing like a LifeSavers. pack of And don't even think I'm about to open this up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY MOUTH. YEAH. THAT'S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU SUCK AT LOOK- ING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT'S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
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  • 07
    Font - What's that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON'T WANT TO DRINK MY BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON'T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN. I just want a burrito. In conclusion: You're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys. UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK":
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  • 08
    Font - A fork? I DIDN'T ORDER THE COBBURRITO SALAD. If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER. That's like buying a car and having them hand wrench with the keys. Like you a YEAH WE KNOW THIS GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
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  • 09
    Font - Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They're called HANDS. A fork. My god. I haven't cried since I was six, sobbing now. but I'm People eat burritos with forks? God is sorry he made us.
    via u/Name-in-progress

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humor FAIL burrito rant angry ridiculous food reaction funny
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