14 Things That We Were Cautioned About As Kids That Were Over Exaggerated

Brad Dickson • Managing Editor

Aug 28, 2021 1:00 PM EDT

When you're a kid there's a mystical world out there, all built on the perspectives and expectations that the people around you have built for you. Your wild imagination takes the threats of which adults (or siblings) have made mention and wildly exaggerates their threat levels. You never know, you might encounter a whirlpool walking to school one day.

Now, I'm turning 29 in a month and I've never even seen a whirlpool or encountered quicksand - but safe to say that I have been ready for those threats for a quarter of a century should they ever reveal their threatening visage.

When I was about 5 years old my sister convinced me that a "Tongue Monster" lived in our basement. This beast of a creature was a giant of sorts who was said to have had tongues covering his entire body. I was horrified that I might encounter this scoundrel and stayed clear of the basement for months, and kept a wary eye out for this fleshy Lovecraftian horror for even longer than that.

Looking back, I'm not certain what was so threatening about the guy, there was never any threat - perceived or otherwise - that I was going to be licked to death should I venture into the basement alone. For all I knew, we might have gotten along famously. I am certain that he must have had exceptional taste.

It's been a long time since the Tongue Monster was at the top of my list of fears and risks and I do hope that he has managed to sustain stable employment and make a living off of his unique talents. I like to imagine that he might be a food critic somewhere (aren't all critics monsters of sorts?) or has otherwise managed to take on a new form and has attained international success as a famous chef.

Instead of wasting energy on my Tongue Monster, whirlpools, or quicksand, it would have been nice if someone could have instead warned me of dangers that are more pertinent to me now. Like 'Quickdraw Danny the Dastardly Debt Doppler' or 'Tricky Theodore the Traveling Tax Taker'.

I feel like there might have been real lessons to learn from those.