Americana

This is What NFL Team Logos Would Look Like if They Were All Designed by Hipsters

  • 1

    The Patriots

    Cheezburger Image 8007294208
    "Bill Belichick is rich, but he dresses like a homeless person. He's basically my hero."
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  • 2

    The Jets

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    "Come to New York and you'll see all the plebeians and their Jason Pierre-Paul jerseys. That also happens to be my boyfriend's name. No, just his first name. Jason-Pierre-Paul."
  • 3

    The Bills

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    "Small-market franchises are the best franchises, especially ones that never win. Less fans, less mainstream."
  • 4

    The Dolphins

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    "You live on land? Land? Next thing you know, you'll be telling me your favorite underground band is Mumford & Sons. Yuck."
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  • 5

    The Titans

    Cheezburger Image 8007295744
    "We used to be the Houston Oilers until 1998. Good for us for shedding such a filthy capitalist name."
  • 6

    The Texans

    Cheezburger Image 8007296512
    "I was trying to pick a number to put on my cashmere Texans jersey. I thought I should follow Matt Schaub's example, so I picked 6."
  • 7

    The Colts

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    "Just look at Andrew Luck. If that beard doesn't scream "owns a local microbrewery in Zionsville," I don't know what does."
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  • 8

    The Jaguars

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    "Can you name a single player on the Jaguars besides Maurice Jones-Drew? That's what I thought."
  • 9

    The Bengals

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    "Andy Dalton's nickname is the Red Rocket, which is also the nickname of my vintage Schwinn Phantom." Well played, Andy.
  • 10

    The Browns

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    "The helmet is now as much of an eyesore as watching the Browns play."
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  • 11

    The Steelers

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    "My Subaru gets immaculate gas mileage. Franco Harris would be proud. Not that I care. I don't care what anyone thinks."
  • 12

    The Ravens

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    "You're not a true Ravens fan until you've been shot at least three times."
  • 13

    The Chiefs

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    "Andy Reid is terrible at time management. Then again, I'm 35 and unemployed, so I can't judge him too hard."
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  • 14

    The Chargers

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    "Another year, another playoff loss. I call this my "tear coaster." #filter"
  • 15

    The Broncos

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    "Peyton Manning has more records than my vinyl collection."
  • 16

    The Raiders

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    "None of my scarves match my black and silver space pirate outfit. Whatever, I'll just listen to the game on the radio."
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  • 17

    The Giants

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    "Eli Manning is the less popular Manning brother. I love him for that."
  • 18

    The Eagles

    Cheezburger Image 8007305728
    "I originally thought that The Silver Linings Playbook was called The Silver Linens Playbook. More disappointing than Chip Kelly's offense."
  • 19

    The Cowboys

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    "Everything's more mainstream in Texas."
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  • 20

    The Redskins

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    "If RGIII needs a new leg brace, I've got a few pairs of skinny jeans he can have."
  • 21

    The Falcons

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    "Matt Ryan's nickname is Matty Ice, which sounds too much like Natty Ice, which is for plebeian bro scum. No thank you."
  • 22

    The Buccaneers

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    "What do you call gluten intolerance in a pirate?"

    "Seven Sea-liac disease. You didn't laugh? Me neither. Laughing is stupid."
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  • 23

    The Saints

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    "WHO DAT? WHO DAT? WHO DAT? No one knows, they're too underground."
  • 24

    The Panthers

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    "I wear a scarf because it can get cold down here in Charlotte. Why, just yesterday it was 65 degrees. Also, my 4.5% body fat doesn't provide much insulation."
  • 25

    The Packers

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    "We're the only publicly owned major sports franchise in North America. Also, the cheese on our heads is 100% organic and locally grown. Checkmate."
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  • 26

    The Bears

    Cheezburger Image 8007311360
    "Yes, my moustache looks just like Mike Ditka's. No, I don't want to join your little Superfans club. Clubs are for sheeple."
  • 27

    The Lions

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    "Detroit's population has gone down by 25% since 2000. Does that mean it's going back underground after being mainstream?"
  • 28

    The Vikings

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    "I'm squinting because I left my Ray Ban Wayfarers at home by accident. Oh well, it's not like I'd be able to see a passing game anyway."
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  • 29

    The Seahawks

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    "Russell Wilson is getting a new contract next season. It's a 7-year deal that includes a fair trade clause."
  • 30

    The 49ers

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    "The Catch is the greatest play in NFL history. Pitchfork agrees with me: they gave it a 6.4 out of 10."
  • 31

    The Cardinals

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    "I hate it here. The sun is destroying my pale complexion. Also, the energy consumption of all of the A/C units is appalling."
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  • 32

    The Rams

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    "Remember the Greatest Show on Turf? That wasn't turf. It was wheat grass. You're welcome."

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