Clever Curse-Free Insults From the Poets of Reddit
A good insult is a beautiful thing, and anyone who has spent some time on Reddit knows that many patrons of the infamous website understand the art of the roast. One user recently asked the people of Reddit to share their favorite cuss word-free insults, and boy did r/AskReddit deliver. We've put together a collection of some of our favorite rude remarks from the entertaining thread.
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"I expected nothing and was still disappointed" added u/Mvnwolf.
u/TheWiseRedditor added, "Classic Michael Scott insults:
'Why are you the way that you are?'
'I hate so much about the things you choose to be'" -
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"My grandfather would often wish us a goodbye by saying, 'come back when you can't stay so long.'" Said u/oh_the_C_is_silent.
"We can't miss you till you're gone" added u/master_shakezulla.
"'Sell when you can: you are not for all markets' - Shakespeare" shared u/Shine_On_Your_Chevy. -
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"If I were on the receiving end, I would respond, 'Then I hope you live responsibly.'" u/maximbane added.
"A toast to your health then" u/Magnus_Bane said. -
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"Everyone brings joy to this place. Some by entering, and some by leaving." u/lollipopfiend123 said.
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"Reminds me of: 'Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.' —Captain Mal, Firefly" Said u/NearlyFreeFall.
u/DrowsyDreamer added, "'…you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling.' Malcom Reynolds. That's my favorite English insult from firefly." -
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"Very similar to one of my favorite 30 Rock quotes when Jack is talking to the writers and asks them 'what do your parents tell their friends you do for a living?'" u/MUjase said.
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"If you had one more brain cell, it would be lonely." u/skam_skins added.
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"It's not me, it's you" added u/thishasntbeeneasy.
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"Or favorite of my gramps 'You're as useful as a sight seeing tour for the blind.'" Replied u/choody_Mac_doody.
"As useful as a screen door on a submarine" added u/ToSay_TheLeast. -
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"Your family tree is a wreath." Said u/OrganizedNarcoleptic.
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u/fromETOHtoTHC said, "One of my favorite Archer jokes uses this format.
'Can you explain compound interest to Cheryl?'
'I could, if we had an infinite amount of time… and she were someone else.'" -
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u/FAYCSB replied, "Reminds me of the manager at the place I waitressed in college: Manager: do you know why they sing this song? Me: No? Manager: so you don't have to. Cold."
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"Reminds me of Tolkien / Bilbo," added u/NearlyFreeFall, "'I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.'"
"Second-hand story, can't verify the authenticity and may get some of the terms wrong as I am not in the military" shared u/SC487, "Enlisted soldier who was a combat veteran went to OCS to become an officer. Someone younger and further along was harassing him and the veteran turned and said 'I've killed better men than you' and walked off." -
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