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Fresh and Funny Tweets Straight From the Bird App (August 30, 2022)

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    Font - brent @murrman5 doctor: have you been tested for adhd before? me thinking about what my entrance song would be if I was a wrestler: you have a nice office 3:23 PM 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone · ... 3,368 Retweets 117 Quote Tweets 46.9K Likes
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    Font - Brandon Dail @aweary me, before having kids: I'm never going to lie to my children me today to my toddler: they don't have hot dogs in Colorado 2:46 PM 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone . 668 Retweets 70 Quote Tweets 19.5K Likes
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    Font - Adam Cerious BROWTWEATEN @Browtweaten boss: you have to take a drug test me: *knows all the drugs* no problem 12:28 PM 8/29/22 Twitter for Android . ... 591 Retweets 11 Quote Tweets 6,422 Likes
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    Smile - Luke Barnett @LukeBarnett The fact that a random couple ran into Keanu Reeves in a hotel lobby, invited him to their wedding, and he put on a suit and joined is proof he really is The One. RC 9:49 PM 8/27/22 Twitter for iPhone . 18.7K Retweets 1,905 Quote Tweets 309K Likes
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    Font - Ruth Madievsky @ruthmadievsky lifelong friendship is so funny. I once saw you drink four loko out of an ugg boot and now you have a son named Arnold 5:39 PM 8/27/22 Twitter for iPhone 3,903 Retweets 410 Quote Tweets 80.2K Likes
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    Product - neisha @sorealne i needa stop coming in my mama bathroom, i'm APPALLED RenewLife . DOC JOHNSON Good Head DEEP THROAT Oral Anesthetic Spray D O 100% PURE Soft Absorbe Lint-fr OP and Sa driat 2:37 PM 8/27/22 Twitter for iPhone ... 2,146 Retweets 1,405 Quote Tweets 33.4K Likes
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    Product - has it occurred to thomas that he might be the problem ΤΗ ND NGE Janna @_janna_g History ing Br ach a runaway mi ly illuminates GLEMAN EBEI by From the author of the runaway international surrounded by setbacks Or, How to Succeed When Everything's Gone Bad thomas erikson .. International Bestseller.. surrounded by psychopaths 0000 How to Protect Yourself from Being Manipulated and Exploited in Business (and in Life) thomas erikson Milllion-Copy Bestselling Author of Multi-million-copy
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    Smile - milkton @locallystupid my dog waiting to have a bite of the boiling water i'm cooking 11:28 PM 8/27/22 Twitter for iPhone 2,803 Retweets 121 Quote Tweets 36.4K Likes ...
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    Footwear - Jeremy Kaplowitz @jeremysmiles people in nyc are so gross on the subway. O masks in sight and only one person in the entire photo is covering mouth and nose der SAARE TAJOV NE JEFF
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    Human - all dave city @rhinotary there is currently a man floating down the Missouri River in a pumpkin attempting a 38 mile journey to break the world record 11:54 AM 8/27/22 Twitter for iPhone 2,885 Retweets 1,007 Quote Tweets 36.8K Likes
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    Font - Emma Bolden @emmabo me, recommending a book: this book DESTROYED ME. this book RIPPED MY VERY BEING APART. i read the end sobbing in a fetal position on the floor and i didn't move for three hours. please read it HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT 3:55 PM 8/26/22 Twitter Web App 12.2K Retweets 2,636 Quote Tweets 79.7K Likes
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    Font - Sophie Vershbow @svershbow My friend just accurately described the Myers-Briggs test as "astrology for coworkers" 12:11 PM 8/25/22 Twitter Web App 5,929 Retweets 518 Quote Tweets 80K Likes ..
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    Font - Cameron Bradford @camerobradford I shit you not, there is a store where you can build a bear 4:45 PM 8/26/22 Twitter Web App 474 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 6,394 Likes
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    Font - jea @420insidejob i would do absolutely anything for my friends except answer their text messages 2:35 PM 8/26/22 Twitter for iPhone ... 8,318 Retweets 643 Quote Tweets 43K Likes
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    Font - Sam Yeezy @samstaydipped "Men are so quick to invite you over, what if i rob you?" -a chick that's 5'1 that cries 3 times a day 7:48 PM 8/25/22 Twitter for iPhone . ... 4,850 Retweets 1,761 Quote Tweets 36K Likes
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    Food - * Spite @LiquidGoth at my mom's birthday dinner and my brother just showed up wearing this shirt I LIKE OLDER WOMEN
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  • 17
    Font - Leo @iamleowik Guys, if you live in LA and want to find yourself a beautiful, real, humble, loyal, not mentally ill girlfriend, this whole week is your chance to shoot your shot, all the other ones are going to Burning Man today. 12:38 PM 8/27/22 Twitter for iPhone ... 196 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 3,371 Likes
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    Font - @cabby @cabby me: im so hungry horse: *nervously* how hungry 12:29 PM 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone . 9,683 Retweets 150 Quote Tweets 74.2K Likes
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    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland Imagine having your life so together that your cereal is in clear containers and your towels are all folded in thirds. 3:53 PM 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone 28 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 671 Likes
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    Font - Randy Miller @RandyJMiller Man in stands at A's-Yankees game just yelled, "GIVE ME AN A. Fans yelled 'A.' Man yelled again, WHAT'S THAT SPELL? 9:15 PM 8/27/22 TweetDeck 919 Retweets 130 Quote Tweets 18.8K Likes
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    Font - Daggerlad @Daggerlad2 After one tankard of ale: You are an honored guest in my palace, and I personally guarantee your safety After one goblet of mead: *whispering* be wary, for you have entered a pit of vipers and dogs 11:18 AM - 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone 1,719 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 15.2K Likes
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    Font - Stavros Halkias @stavvybaby I for one am shocked that Sydney Sweeney-a blonde with huge titties. that works on classic cars for fun- has republican parents 1:20 PM 8/28/22 Twitter Web App . ... 2,608 Retweets 462 Quote Tweets 59.8K Likes
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    Font - Mia @smackmiaround Phenomenal map work from Al Jazeera News | Gun Violence Three Dutch soldiers wounded in shooting outside Indiana hotel Investigation underway after shooting outside Indianapolis hotel wounds three Dutch soldiers, one of them critically. UNITED STATES OF AMERICA INDIANAPOLIS 1:20 AM - 8/28/22 Twitter Web App . . ...
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    Font - Laura Bassett @LEBassett At the Toulouse airport, just watched a woman try to order oat milk in English for her coffee. Barista kept hearing "hot milk." Emotions escalated to the point where I had to intervene and explain what oat milk was, and this French man was absolutely pissed to learn it exists 4:46 AM 8/29/22 Twitter for iPhone . . 5,533 Retweets 1,340 Quote Tweets 119K Likes
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    Font - sara lebow @SlebowSays madison a square garden is such a beautiful name for 10:06 PM 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone . ... 2,150 Retweets 35 Quote Tweets 43.1K Likes
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    Font - jodie @jodieegrace taylor swift album and harry styles movie out on october 21... huge day for annoying people 11:56 PM - 8/28/22 Twitter for iPhone 16.1K Retweets 1,913 Quote Tweets 169K Likes
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    Food - てぃむ/Tim @tim_language "How many countries do you want to offend simultaneously?" "Yes" American TRIZ 7177+7+ ENGLISH FRENCH TOAST ドイツ風 消費期限 18.010 MADE IN CHINA

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