Fresh 'N Funny Tweets For Easy Entertainment (January 20, 2023)

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    Font - grace @brainsoupp_ i love it when my pets sigh like what ails you my little unemployed freeloader 3:27 PM 1/16/23 9.2M Views . 381K Likes 77.8K Retweets 2,128 Quotes
  • 02
    Font - daniel @escargotpro_ It's kind of wild how nowhere in American society at all does there exist at all the trope that Ivy League educated are particularly funny but we almost exclusively let them write all the comedy shows 10:25 PM 1/15/23 371K Views 7,204 Likes 355 Retweets 37 Quotes
  • 03
    Font - Gennifer Hutchison @GennHutchison Successfully convincing every awards show that The Bear is a comedy is one of the greatest scams anyone has pulled. 10:36 PM 1/15/23 471K Views . ... 4,349 Likes 236 Retweets 52 Quotes
  • 04
    Font - katie @katie_moats the TSA agent held up my bin as an example to the rest of the line on how to go through security correctly. this means I got an A in airport travel, which is a completely normal thing to strive for and attain 6:41 PM 1/15/23 2.3M Views . .. 126K Likes 5,285 Retweets 268 Quotes
  • 05
    Furniture - GI Everything Georgia @GAFollowers Waffle House is not playing with y'all. . •Order from the READ Menu! We're not ME! 9:01 PM 1/16/23 3.9M Views . Making NOTHING you've Seen on TikTok (No Waffle sandwiches!) 67K Likes 7,503 Retweets 2,816 Quotes
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    Font - Henpecked Hal @Henpecked Hal My 22 year old cousin met his dream girl at a bar and it's going pretty well Most of it How do you get most of a number? Call me! 512-3*1-2+04 Jackie * Trust me. I'm worth it WTF?!?! What are you going to do? 512-3 1-2*04 -S12-301-2004 201-2104 512-321-2584 512-321-2009 512-371-27 TX-2009 2009 512-3 1-2*04 512-301-2004 1512301-2104 5123012204 SIZ 301 2304 5+2 301- 2404 512-3012504 -S12 301-2604 ड/2301-2704 512301 7804 S72 301 2904 S12 341 2004 2109 1:34 PM 1/1
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    Font - Wa Clarke @pleasuresystems I forgot Trader Joe's requires cashiers to compliment an item every customer buys until today when the guy out of the blue just said "I love cilantro". Twisted shit 9:27 PM 1/14/23 1.5M Views . 39.2K Likes 1,111 Retweets 461 Quotes
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    Font - Jack Saint (is at mastodon.social/@l... @lackingsaint The Last of Us seems like a pretty faithful adaptation of the original game but I think it was cowardly to leave out the scene where joel gets killed 18 times in the first clicker room and considers getting a refund 10:36 PM 1/15/23 10.7M Views . 235K Likes 22.1K Retweets 1,395 Quotes
  • 09
    Font - molly @mollyEatsTofu Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) "Ah you will be disappointed" and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said "it is Kevin" and you know what? I was disappointed. 8:03 AM 1/15/23 2.1M Views ... 71.9K Likes 2,718 Retweets 196 Quotes
  • 10
    Font - ARISTHOTLE @snakel3t My dad seriously sent this to our family groupchat im crying Dad I can't keep up with the pressure of always having to lol or like or heart everyone's random thoughts, pics and amusements. For all future texts: I love them, laugh at them, or like them, unless it's bad, then I dislike them. In perpetuity. I can't live with this pressure. I'm out. 9:01 PM 1/16/23 2.2M Views . 101K Likes 8,028 Retweets 1,943 Quotes
  • 11
    Product - Jasmine @JasmineLWatkins Stephen A. Smith simultaneously looks like a cop and informant VECANKEN 38 19 . COWBOYS BUCCANEERS Buck NFL . WAXB EL ST NFC WILD CARD PLAYOFFS COWBOYS (12-5) at BUCCANEERS (8-9) Tonight, 8:15 ET on ABC, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Deportes & ESPN+ 2:10 PM 1/16/23 1.9M Views 35.3K Likes 5,589 Retweets 700 Quotes Ferrer an
  • 12
    Furniture - John Hamburger Jr✔ @BronzeHammer have been staring at this image for the better part of 20 minutes and have yet to run out of things to laugh at r/gaming u/matnmobile08 1h i.redd.it ... Friend just sent this saying "Wife's gone for the weekend."
  • 13
    Facial expression - zach silberberg @zachsilberberg bless whoever made the image for this article slashfilm.com Avatar: The Way Of Water And M3GAN Continue Their Box Office Reign As Plane Heads For $10... 9:48 PM 1/14/23 318K Views 9,923 Likes 592 Retweets 20 Quotes
  • 14
    Font - michaela okland @MichaelaOkla If you get arrested and you go to jail and you're wearing your contacts but like you need to take them out at night and u don't have your glasses on you then are they gonna give you opti free or just let you be blind or will they let someone bring your glasses or no 5:43 AM 1/17/23 312K Views ... 5,241 Likes 157 Retweets 57 Quotes
  • 15
    Font - ce n'est pas erica @sourhoestarter every culture has that one food that is just filling enveloped in a pocket of dough and that is sooo beautiful to me 4:26 PM 1/15/23 676K Views 21.9K Likes 1,886 Retweets 465 Quotes
  • 16
    Organism - warrior cop @wyatt_privilege Wife got owned by one of those instagram ad products. This thing irl is so fucking funny. Wrapped in tinfoil and mounted on a smoke detector. LEDs are cold white, the warm look in the ad is a filter. Wife is mad as fuck lol Shop Now D 4:31 PM 1/15/23 2M Views 24.3K Likes 651 Retweets 88 Quotes
  • 17
    Font - ☆ Important to highlight that Excel's row limit brought down Charlie Javice cc: @ryxcommar @shitmgmtsays@mstdn.social @ShitMgmtSays Senior PowerPoint Engineer @ryxcommar OH MY GOD. NO WAY. MICROSOFT EXCEL'S ROW LIMIT MADE THE FRAUD UNRAVEL LMFAOOOOOOOOoooo 173. JPMC first noticed irregularities with the list when a JPMC employee observed that the list contained exactly 1,048,576 rows, the maximum permitted by Microsoft Excel. That number also did not correspond to any number of customer a
  • 18
    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland Wife: I just wish you would open up and tell me what you're thinking. Me: OK, in the $1.50 Costco hotdog combo do you think the hot dog is $1 and the drink is $.50 or both $.75? 7:16 PM 1/15/23 118K Views . 2,798 Likes 184 Retweets 12 Quotes
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    Font - Mohanad Elshieky @Mohanad Elshieky someone on TikTok accused me of stealing a stand up joke and when I asked them from who? they sent me a clip of someone doing the joke and that someone was me 7:50 PM 1/15/23 7.6M Views . 145K Likes 4,296 Retweets 145 Quotes
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    Font - max fine | atlanta 1/26-1/30 @maxfine_ Won $70 as the guy next to me busted out on blackjack and he said "eat shit" to me. About 5 minutes ago, he told me how excited he was that he got a free ticket to the comedy show tonight. He does not know who is performing. 7:22 PM 1/13/23 953K Views 32.7K Likes 479 Retweets 6 Quotes
  • 21
    Plant - $lap @slvppy tom brady fr gave up his family just to get blown out by the cowboys 10:13 PM 1/16/23 624K Views ♦ 12.5K Likes 1,864 Retweets 181 Quotes
  • 22
    Vertebrate - The Critical Drinker @TheCriticalDri2 Well, the PS6 won't be released for years so there would be no games to play on it... but I'll take it anyway. Amouranth @Amouranth. 1d Me or a PS6? 7:37 AM 1/15/23 405K Views . 8,125 Likes 215 Retweets 18 Quotes
  • 23
    Cartoon - distorto @distorto54 drew like a dark, fucked up verson of family guy haha. just a glimpse into my dark reality 6:57 PM 1/14/23 5.1M Views . 813 130K Likes 10K Retweets 476 Quotes ETS
  • 24
    Organism - caca @cloudeeuhh if you don't have adhd do cocaine. stop taking up all the adderall 8:01 PM 1/16/23 63.1K Views . 1,393 Likes 163 Retweets 17 Quotes
  • 25
    Furniture - ayla @ratxgurl Every time original hardwood floors are replaced by gray plank vinyl a year is taken from my life 3:29 PM 1/13/23 6.9M Views . 197K Likes 14K Retweets 2,533 Quotes W
  • 26
    Font - Lauren Bans @Lauren Bans Oh you "love" Colin Farrell? Name three meals he mentions during his sex tape. 2:34 PM 1/13/23 702K Views 6,691 Likes 402 Retweets 87 Quotes
  • 27
    Human - kie @criminalplaza pov: you've been stuck on an escalator for 2+ hrs bc the power went out 2249 comments yehungjee Creator Pinned hi guys! received lots of comments asking us to walk up/down instead, however we can't cause its an escalator n not stair 1d Reply 12:47 PM 1/14/23 762K Views 38.2K 35.3K Likes 2,144 Retweets 394 Quotes X
  • 28
    Font - sara @sapharic i cannot stress this enough. TWITCH VIEWERS, stop taking bathroom breaks and stepping away from your computers/phones while your favorite streamer is live. it is DISRESPECTFUL and rude. we take time out of our days to entertain you. the least you could do is watch. 7:57 PM 1/15/23 4.8M Views . .. 36.4K Likes 1,374 Retweets 925 Quotes
  • 29
    Font - wyatt @turntretarded SHE DIDNT GHOST ME SHE WAS JUST IN REHAB LETS GOOOOOOOO 7:12 PM 1/14/23 - 679K Views . 31.5K Likes 1,975 Retweets 185 Quotes
  • 30
    Chin - Esoteric Doomerist @Anarcish The only Scooby Doo alternate timeline I'm interested in. Members 0.00 Dates of operation Active regions Ideology The Gang Left to Right: Jones, Blake, Dinkley, Rogers Freddy Jones Daphne Blake[¹] Velma Dinkley Norville Rogers September 1969 - October 1970 Political position Part of Allies Opponents United States Communism Black Power Democratic Transparency Anti-capitalism Anti-imperialism New Left Far-left Students for a Democratic Society Weather Undergroun
  • 31
    Font - Brona C Titley @bronactitley A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. She immediately said "Why not 3?" and honestly it's a great question, will talk to my wife about it tonight. 7:20 AM - 1/16/23 3.6M Views . ... 146K Likes 8,331 Retweets 160 Quotes
  • 32
    Font - LB @beyondreasdoubt shot/ chaser It doesn't get any more dramatic than this. @NancyGrace anchoring right from the site of the Idaho quadruple murder house. 10:20 PM 1/13/23 71K Views . 745 Likes 88 Retweets 5 Quotes FUCK YOU NANCY CRACE UNICE
  • 33
    Mouth - Kamala @KammyTaught You Might as well file bankruptcy . @selenamua_ .3d Why I just dropped my whole carton of eggs on the floor making breakfast Show this thread 7:35 PM 1/14/23 1.3M Views . 40.3K Likes 7,060 Retweets 69 Quotes
  • 34
    Font - Kate Lister @k8_lister This is such bollocks. 41 years ago two irresponsible people had unprotected sex and now I have to get up in the dark and go to work. 2:32 AM 1/16/23 2.6M Views 46.9K Likes 2,206 Retweets 127 Quotes
  • 35
    Human - Ariyanka @NAOMIPINK When u ask ur male friends for advice In they start off with "ima b real" 11:43 PM 11/28/22 128K Likes 17.9K Retweets 4,074 Quotes
  • 36
    Water - solé @layxsnv how tf Dawn soap can clean oil off a duck but not the spaghetti bowl DAWN 50% LESS SCRUBBING 40 ORIGINAL FL OZ SCENT . 9:52 AM 1/10/23 5M Views 155K Likes 17.1K Retweets 1,193 Quotes
  • 37
    Font - jay @jayythewave why babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere 1:30 PM 1/15/23 5.6M Views . 200K Likes 21.3K Retweets 1,222 Quotes
  • 38
    Jaw - ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt I think it's actually very brave to go on a date when you could be murdered or they could be into crypto or something 11:45 PM 1/16/23 1.2M Views .. 32.7K Likes 2,025 Retweets 97 Quotes
  • 39
    Font - ◄ Twitter bunny pov you're autistic and so is your dad 11:02 149 @doormouse1999 Lol How my kid Cafeteria or out F Father > Today 10:45 PM i made a new friend today and ate meatballs and broccoli for dinner cafeteria. it was mid I'm watching something called The Last of Us. The girl who stars has a round face like you Love and miss my kid. I hope you sleep well and tomorrow is fun 0 11:03 PM 1/16/23 177K Views 6,223 Likes 156 Retweets 74 Quotes ... Read 10:56 PM
  • 40
    Font - Paul Jackson @madebymagnolia So this is how I learned my work calendar wasn't private. Paul, I want to do the product intro to on Friday and on the only good spot for most people you have a blocker called "get a chicken", is that something you could move to join us? 3:01 PM 1/17/23 286K Views .. 6,171 Likes 496 Retweets 44 Quotes
  • 41
    Organism - Rel @DewEnjoyer Nothing in the new Velma show will come close to beating this OOD Crazy driving there, Frederick. Thanks! And it's Fred. BROOD 11:42 AM 1/14/23 1.6M Views Unless we're dating, then it's Freddie. Like Freddie! Buddy! Get out of there! 99.5K Likes 12.9K Retweets 305 Quotes ... CN
  • 42
    Nose - NO britt:) @oatmilkmotel this is how it felt to turn 25 She Was A Star, Now She Works In Philadelphia Now she has a normal job. Money Pail | Sponsored 8:23 PM 1/16/23 841K Views . 28.3K Likes 1,764 Retweets 159 Quotes
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    Font - Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA Es... @ParikPatel CFA I am looking to hire people interested in making a million dollars a year. No, this is not a multilevel marketing scheme. We will be committing fraud. 8:19 AM 1/17/23 - 1M Views 14.5K Likes 1,399 Retweets 191 Quotes

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