Weekly Internet Roundup: Prince Harry is Wild, Online Moms Hate Their Kids, and an OnlyFans Creator is Musty

Well done! If you're reading this, you've successfully made it through just over 1% of 2023. While the prospect of having to do the other 99% might not be a fun one, at least we're one down. Who knows, things might actually be looking up for once! The internet happenings of this week aren't exactly suggesting peace, love, and happiness, but that doesn't mean that they aren't entertaining. 

Prince Harry, u ok hun?

Ever since its announcement, anticipation has been building for Prince Harry's tell-all memoir, Spare. If the leaks are anything to go by, it isn't just the Royal Family who is completely unprepared for this information to be public. Fights, drug taking, and Googling his wife's sex scenes are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the wild revelations. 

The discussion around every single crazy and purportedly true thing should have been enough to occupy social media for a month. Nonetheless, they found the energy to spread a fake news meme as well. Just when things couldn't get more embarrassing for the Firm, the Prince Philip chokehold allegations surfaced. It's hard to tell what's true or false at this point.

A Shower a Day Keeps the Troll Bait Away

If you've never heard of Aella before, sorry to curse you with the knowledge. The social media personality/probable professional troll has become of those litmus tests for how online you are, and her latest efforts might have even helped her break out of that rut. 

She's known for creating some seriously strange surveys about sex and relationships, as well as having an OnlyFans. More important than these things, though, are her personal hygiene habits. Posting end of year statistics about how many times she had done certain normal things throughout the year, she claimed to have only showered 37 times in 2022. Other disturbing numbers included only doing 194 poops, and not going outside for nearly 40% of those 365 days.

Many of us beat ourselves up for wasting away the hours, but these stats are here to give us some positive reinforcement. At least we don't spend as much time not eating fiber, and insisting to the internet that we don't stink. 

Mommy Can't Talk Right Now, She's Getting Yelled at on Twitter

Nobody can deny that motherhood is difficult. Being expected to sacrifice it all to make a well-rounded human being is not that fun! It's also true that being roped in to playing dolls for the thousandth time can get extremely boring. However, it would be nice to think that between a choice of “play with kids” or “certain death”, most parents would choose the former. 

This isn't the case for one mom on Twitter, who announced to the world that she “would rather die” than have to play with them. Arguing that she fulfils every other basic need, a pile on was duly instigated on her dramatic proclamation. While the Halloween candy trasher mom was a touch more sadistic, I have a feeling that the two might get along.

Welcome to TopherTok 

Even by its own hectic standards, TikTok has been spitting out main characters recently like there's no tomorrow. After all, something out there has to step up if Twitter finally breathes its last breath. 

Over the past month, the thinking man's FYP has seen the skeeviness of professional ick Paul Breach, and the dulcet, nonsensical tones of Smule superstar Anuc Attitawan. Now, another titan has become an inescapable part of the scroll: Southern legend Topher.

The kid has become the breakout star of his older sister's TikTok account, thanks to loudly and proudly stealing the show in just about every video that he gets featured in. He achieved true virality with a video in which the members of their family reveal which person in their family they would warn others about (Topher only gets a couple of shoutouts from the others). 

Before long, TikTokers were editing his iconic introduction into productions of their own, cementing him as the latest niche internet microcelebrity to have five minutes of fame on the platform. RIP Ellen, you would have loved to kill this meme with an interview. 

And so ends another week of antics online. If we have started as we mean to go on, it could be an eventful year for us all. There's a reason that “may you live in interesting times” is meant to be a curse.