UPDATE: 'She asked me out': Bartender has chance run in with former bully, who had the nerve to ask him out on a date

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Mar 15, 2023 4:00 PM EDT

This story could be the premise of a rom-com or a revenge flick. It's only one of those two options! This thread and its update were reposted to the r/BestofRedditorUpdates subreddit. After recovering from years of bullying in his childhood, this bartender found himself confronted with a former bully, who apologized profusely while intoxicated at the bar one night before proceeding to ask him out on a date. 

 

After listening to some advice from folks in the comments section from his first post, the original poster decided to agree to coffee with his former bully. She continued to apologize and seemed to show remorse, but folks have plenty of thoughts as to whether or not this dude should consider allowing her to re-enter his life in this way, especially in a romantic capacity. Forgiving and forgetting may be one thing, but he has no obligation to trust her or even entertain the thought of entering a relationship with her. What are your thoughts on this one? Feel free to comment below!

 

For more, check out this story of a first date gone wrong.

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  • 01
    Tableware - "I met one of my old bullies by chance. She seems apologetic and she asked me out."
    via Louis Hansel
  • 02
    Font - OOP is asked out by a girl who used to bully him CONCLUDED I am not the OP. Original post is by u/ThrowRAUncleIroh in r/relationship advice TW: Mentions of bullying Mood Spoiler: Wholesome
    via u/SJDude13
  • 03
    Font - I (27M) met a girl (27F) who used to bully me when we were little. Now she is asking me out and I don't know what to do. I (27M) was heavily bullied since the beginning of kindergarten until the end of middle school, when I transferred in a different town. My classroom had 15 children, me excluded. Out of these 15, 7 of them used to bully me constantly and the other 8 simply ignored what was happening. Out of the 7 bullies, 4 did some particularly heavy (I will call them the B team. You c
    via u/SJDude13
  • 04
    Font - What the B team did to me scarred me for life and I had to go to therapy to deal with it. If I met them today, I would make them pay for everything they did to me. My hatred for the C team is not nearly as big but it's still vivid. Until last year I couldn't bring myself to forgive anybody in that classroom (both teachers and students) for doing nothing to help me when the B team was tormenting me. Last year, though, my hatred started to fade following some serious events in my life. (sor
    via u/SJDude13
  • 05
    Font - When I transferred, I swore to myself I would never go back to that town or talk to any of them ever again. Despite that, my past has found ways to follow me: I work in a pub (not sure if this is the right term in english) part time twice a week and around 6 months ago I met Nina (27F) there by chance. Nina was one of the 3 bullies of the C team and, while I have forgiven them now, it doesn't mean I want to have anything to do with her, so I tried to stay professional and act as if nothin
    via u/SJDude13
  • 06
    Font - Anyway, physically she hasn't changed much: I mean, she has grown up since middle school, obviously, but I could still recognize her (I'm not sure if I made myself clear.). The same cannot be said for me probably: in middle school I was fat, white like snow and I had light brown hair, while now I'm fit, my skin is a bit more pink and my hair have darkened in the last few years. When some of my friends look at my old photos, they struggle to recognize me.
    via u/SJDude13
  • 07
    Font - We didn't talk for much as I was working and she initially didn't recognize me but when one of my colleagues called me to ask me something, she connected the dots (I have a particular name that is rare in our country, as it's really old fashioned and nobody use it anymore. Imagine, I don't know, being called Aristotele today). Once she recognized me, her demeanor changed drastically and she got out pretty soon. She came back a couple of times in the following months and she was quite shy
    via u/SJDude13
  • 08
    Font - Few weeks ago she got mildly drunk and she started sobbing and ranting about what a person she was in the past and how her life is It was the classic drunken rambling and I didn't pay it much attention, I simply stopped serving her alcohol and gave her some water but at some point she grabbed my hand while I was taking away one of the empty glasses and she apologized. I have to say it felt weirdly good.
    via u/SJDude13
  • 09
    Font - She didn't come back in the following weeks but few days ago she texted me on social media, apologizing profusely for whatever she did while drunk and then she suddenly asked me out. At the time I was evidently too stupid or tired to understand clues and didn't understand it was meant as a date. She asked me out for a coffee and I thought she simply wanted to apologize in person or talk about the past in more sober state. I realized my mistake yesterday, when I talked about it with a frie
    via u/SJDude13
  • 10
    Font - Now I'm torn on what I should do. On one side, what Nina did in the past has conditioned me greatly and I can't simply forget about it. On the other, she really looks apologetic and she seems to have changed. It's been 15 years and maybe I should give her a chance. TL;DR: I met one of my old bullies by chance. She seems apologetic and she asked me out, what should I do?
    via u/SJDude13
  • 11
    Font - UPDATE: I (27M) met a girl (27F) who used to bully me when we were little. Now she is asking me out and I don't know what to do. Link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relations hip advice/comments/11biznb/i 2 7m met a girl 27f who used to b ully me when we/ I (27M) wasn't sure about doing an update post but quite a few of you gave me some good advice (and some didn't but I want to focus on the good ones) so I thought it would be fair to update you on how the situation evolve
    via u/SJDude13
  • 12
    Font - After reading your advices, I decided to meet Nina (27F) for that coffee. It was awkward but it wasn't that bad. She apologized profusely about the past. I thought her apologies would make me feel good but to be honest, I was wrong. The truth is that I still think badly of the Nina who bullied me in middle school but I couldn't see that Nina in the current Nina (I don't know if what I'm trying to say makes sense or if my brain finally decided to give up on me.). Her voice, her demeanor, e
    via u/SJDude13
  • 13
    Font - I told her exactly how what she and the other bullies did affected me and then I decided to forgive her... more or less. I decided to start over as strangers and told her as much. I told her that while I couldn't forget what she did in the past, I don't know the current Nina. It's been 14 years since the those times, more than half of our lives passed since then and I firmly believe people can change (I did.) so, if she wanted to try and get to know the current me, we could act as if that
    via u/SJDude13
  • 14
    Font - I admit what she did next made my giggle a bit (I think she took it from a film but I don't remember which one.). She stood up and got out of the coffee shop, then came back in, sat down and introduced herself. We chatted for a bit and it was ok. I what to thank all the people who gave me advices in the comment section of the previous post. TL;DR: I decided to forgive her and we decided to start over as strangers and see what happen..
    via u/SJDude13
  • 15
    Font - Marked as concluded for now, since OOP didn't indicate that they intended to update again in the future. Reminder - I am NOT the original poster
    via u/SJDude13
  • 16
    Font - istabpeople73 days ago It doesn't sound like they are dating to me. They are talking and getting to know each other as people...that doesn't necessarily mean dating in my book 2.7k Reply Share
    via u/SJDude13
  • 17
    Font - Ambitious-Regular-57 2 days ago she drove away! Everybody s... It doesn't MEAN dating but it also doesn't mean it wasn't half a first date, you know what I mean? From OOP's account he is probably rather attractive now and that seems like it may be a factor here. In my experience people don't go that far to seek solace unless there are feelings and/or intent. If it were strictly platonic I don't think she would have played it so strongly. 585 Reply Share
    via u/SJDude13
  • 18
    Font - PoutinePusher. 3 days ago It's nice he's trying to move past it and nicer that she apologized 5.2k SJDude13 OP. 3 days ago Reply Share Absolutely. 14 years is a long time, and she seems genuinely apologetic. I hope things work out for them! 2.9k Reply Share
    via u/SJDude13
  • 19
    Font - Writeloves 3 days ago If I had seen his first post I think my advice would have been: 1. Even if you believe she is truly remorseful you do not have to forgive her. 2. Even if you do decide to forgive her, you do not have to date her. Forgiving someone and being able to trust them are two separate things. Sometimes a relationship, not necessarily romantic but simply the connection between two people, is damaged beyond repair. If someone is truly remorseful they will accept a rejection and
    via u/SJDude13
  • 20
    Font - SnooTigers7158. 3 days ago Personally, I never want to see anyone I knew growing up, bullies or not. 693 Reply Share
    via u/SJDude13
  • 21
    Font - SpacelessWorm. 3 days ago Kinda cute and I hope the best for them. We arent usually who we are after 14 years Reply Share 631
    via u/SJDude13

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