Adult daughter moves back home without asking, expects free food, utilities, and use of the family car, parents say she has invaded their privacy: 'She didn't ask, she assumed'

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Jul 31, 2026 3:15 PM EDT

One mother is struggling to set boundaries after her adult daughter moved back home without asking and settled in as if nothing had changed. While her parents continue covering groceries, utilities, and other expenses, they also feel they've lost the privacy they finally regained after she moved out. Now they're wondering how to ask her to contribute without damaging their relationship.

This story was pretty funny to me because I'm sure that my own mother would feel this same way. I moved out a couple of years ago, but my two sisters still live at home, so our situation is not quite like this, but it could potentially be in the future. I don't like how the daughter pretended that was still her home, as she comes and goes as she pleases, and also expects her parents to cover her food and every single thing, like she did when leaving full time there.

The situation gets more complicated when she decides to leave there only a few months a year, when she's not at school, since the house is closer to her work. If she can afford to live alone and has her own place, then the parents should intervene and demand that she move to her house as soon as possible, and only come around to visit, like every adult child when they decide to move out.

When I was about to leave my house and rent my apartment, my mother told me very explicitly that if I left, I couldn't come back and live with them (of course, unless a situation happened and I had nowhere to go). And although at first it was something that was hard to hear and it impacted me, with time, I realized they were doing the right thing.

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  • Overwhelmed mother reflecting on the financial strain and loss of privacy after her adult daughter unexpectedly moved back home.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Overwhelmed mother reflecting on the financial strain and loss of privacy after her adult daughter unexpectedly moved back home.

    Photo is for illustrative purposes only and is not an authentic image of the events described.

  • Our adult daughter has moved home, assuming she's welcome anytime and to everything...and it's driving me nuts.
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  • Starting at age 18 she moved into university residence during the year and lived at home each summer. University was fully paid for by us and she only ever worked during summer vacations.
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  • She's now completed her degree and is currently working on achieving a 2 year professional designation. For context she does now have a job during the school year and is paying for her own designation (as well as having scholarships).
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • From October to May she lives on her own (near the school), but she also has a mandatory work placement (that she receives pay for) and the placement is closer to our home. And she assumed that
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  • for those 5 months (this year and presumably next) she can move back home. She didn't *ask*, she assumed.
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  • Since she's been home she eats our food and hasn't offered to contribute to groceries or even pick up a carton of eggs if we run out. She uses all the hot water,
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  • never offers to cook but manages to leave the kitchen a mess, leaves her clothes in the washer overnight and then complains if I put them in the dryer because I didn't separate out her "dry flat"
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  • items. She constantly asks to borrow my car and gets snippy if I say no. And of course she doesn't pay anything towards rent or utilities.
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  • Adult daughter relaxing in her childhood bedroom after moving back into her parents' home during her work placement.
    via Unsplash+ (via Kinga Howard)

    Adult daughter relaxing in her childhood bedroom after moving back into her parents' home during her work placement.

    Image features a model and is intended as a visual representation of the story.

  • If we were well off it might not bother me as much, but we aren't. I'm a SAHP out of necessity (our other child requires 24/7 care) and we just had to refinance our home because we're drowning in debt.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • Meanwhile our daughter goes out to eat several times a week, thinks nothing of spending hundreds on clothes and then complains when there isn't any milk. I'm ready to pull my hair out.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • Aside from the money and entitlement issues, I miss our privacy. Our other child goes to bed early so my husband and I used to have a few hours to ourselves each night to reconnect.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • These days, unless she's going out to eat or shop our daughter is always there at night and she stays up late. And while it's great that she likes our company and wants to spend time with us she's also extremely opinionated, so we can't
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  • discuss anything without her throwing her 2 cents in. And of course we can't discuss (or do) anything private while she's home and awake (neither my husband or I is comfortable with that).
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • Young woman settling back into life at home, illustrating the challenges of balancing independence with returning to her parents' house.
    via Unsplash+ (via Krišjānis Kazaks)

    Young woman settling back into life at home.

    This is a staged image using models and does not depict the actual people involved.

  • So what to do? We can ask her to start contributing, but how to balance that with supporting her saving for the rest of the year? How do you tell your adult child you want private grownup time with their dad? And at what point do we tell her the family wallet is closed?
    via Goofusmaloofus6

  • The comments you'll read next really caught my attention since some people revealed they still live at home with their parents, and they are fully grown adults. Now, the difference there is that they contribute to groceries, bills, and some of them even pay rent. This is a good idea for the OP, since she can now ask her daughter to pay for some things.

  • Ok_Caterpillar2010 Your daughter hasn't fully transitioned to being an adult yet, and she's falling back into old, familiar patterns when she's in an old, familiar place.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • SlowDeer7954 Sit down like grown ups and have a discussion. Don't go into it thinking you have to have all the answers, let her contribute some ideas too. Everybody soak on it then circle back and come to an agreement. Not that hard.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • KWAYkai Have a conversation & set clear expectations. Clean up after herself, contribute to the groceries & utilities, put time limits on showers. If she doesn't like it she's free to go live somewhere else.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • RHND2020 Tell her you are charging rent while she is living there, since she is increasing your expenses. Don't wait for her to offer - tell her what groceries to pick up on her way home. Tell her she needs to clean the kitchen completely after she uses it. Stop tiptoeing around the issue.
    via Goofusmaloofus6
  • boss302goat I'm 30. I still live with my mother as long as I have a job and contribute to anything within my financial means. This includes groceries, some bills, necessities, gas etc etc. Worked out for the both of us since then.
    via Goofusmaloofus6

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family drama entitled daughter daughter moving out
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