'That's when I found [this] Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier': 20+ cringe online reviews

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Apr 3, 2023 4:00 PM EDT

Sometimes, the greatest window into someone else's life is via their online shopping reviews! Keep scrolling below for these timeless ones. When you're finished, here are some more cringeworthy fails!

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  • 01

    What kind of backwards relationship are we dealing with here?

    Liquid - 18591 Beautifully smooth Deur extraordinaire Easy Glide CONCE Great product!, NEW NOUVEAU BIC Ball Pens/Stylos bille 10mm Med/Moy 2 By A keen skier This review is from: BiC For Her Medium Ballpoint Pen - Black, Box of 12 (Office Product) My husband has never allowed me to write, as he doesn't want me touching mens pens. However when I saw this product, I decided to buy it (using my pocket money) and so far it has been fabulous! Once I had learnt to write, the feminine colour and the gri
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  • 02

    Banana Slicer: it'll save your marriage!

    Jaw - ✰✰✰✰✰ Saved my marriage, By Mrs Toledo What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have
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  • 03

    Are you seriously going to critique this children's book?

    Facial expression - a karen katz lift-the-flap book Where is Baby's Belly Button? dadadadad ✰✰✰✰DO NOT buy this book, you can SEE the ending right on the cover!, By PacMan This review is from: Where Is Baby's Belly Button? A Lift-the-Flap Book (Board book) This book is completely misleading. The entire plot revolves around finding Baby's belly button; the title makes this much clear from the beginning. However, there is no mystery. There is no twist. Baby's belly button is right where it's suppo
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  • 04

    Nothing like a disgruntled video game player!

    Product - PS4 TM STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT DELUXE EDITION Congratulations EA. You earned one star. Additional stars ..., By Amazon Customer Verified Purchase (What's this?) This review is from: Star Wars: Battlefront - Deluxe Edition - PlayStation 4 (Video Game) Congratulations EA. You earned one star. Additional stars can be purchased for $5.49 each.
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  • 05

    This is what glitter was always meant to do

    Liquid - Creative Arts& Glitter Paillettes Polvillo de brillo For Arts And Crafts Activities Net Wt 16 OZ (453.6 grams) Canlas Non-Toxic ✰✰✰✰✰ Great For more then just Arts and Crafts, By Brian Spatz Verified Purchase (What's this?) This review is from: Creative Arts by Charles Leonard Glitter, 16 oz. (1 Lb.) Bottle, Multi-Color (41100) (Office Product) So I wake up in the middle of the night in my 2 bedroom apartment. I find me roommate passed out face down on the wooden floor. I think nothing
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  • 06

    Behold: the horrific power of King Penguin

    Bird - O I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children ..., By Sir Chubs Verified Purchase (What is this?) This review is from: Overhead Rubber Penguin Mask Happy Feet Animal Fancy Dress (Toy) I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children. They are terrified of the mask. Whenever they protest about their bed time, or ask for too many sweets, I whip on the mask, and they soon know who is the King Penguin.
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  • 07

    Maybe you should have checked before you went on your trip, Joseph!

    Wood - Incomplete item!, IT By JOSEPH R FANNING This review is from: 6' Buddha Maitreya the Christ Copper Meditation Pyramid System for Healing - Polished Copper Connectors with 4 Inch Capstone (Health and Beauty) This tent was missing its stakes, tarp, and fly cover. I had to cover it in vines and leaves for my camping trip, and I got soaked overnight when it rained. Coincidentally, my hepatitis is gone now.
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  • 08

    It makes your WHAT louder now?

    Font - PARA USO CORPORAL RÁPIDO Y EFICAZ PIELES NORMALES DEPILATORIO GEL CREMA FOR MEN Veet TAG ✰✰✰✰✰ good product, By Dennis This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care) Makes my farts sound louder. The hair must have acted as a interlocking silencer.. I give this the big thumbs up. 5/5
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  • 09

    Nikolai, I have my concerns

    Smile - CONE UK Edition A plain-English guide to grammar English Grammar DUMMIES FOR Learn to: . Get down to basics with the rules of English grammar • Improve your writing and verbal communication skills • Brush up on your proofreading abilities • Improve your academic performance and results ✰✰✰✰✰ is the best book!, By Nikolai Krestinsky This review is from: English Grammar For Dummies (Paperback) When i first come to America, my english did cause me problems. In Soviet Russia i was strong tea
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  • 10

    I too am still surrounded by UFOs everywhere!

    Font - One Star is Too Much for This Product, By Cyphis This review is from: UFO Detector - Internal magnetometer interfaced with microcontroller for 24 hour/7 days a week monitoring for magnetic anomalies that have been reported with many UFO sightings (Electronics) I don't know if this is a scam or if mine was broken, but it doesn't work and I am still getting abducted by UFO's on a regular basis.
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  • 11

    Plot twist at the end there!

    Peripheral - ✰✰✰✰✰ Works Great!, By LooseSeal Verified Purchase (What's this?) This review is from: Nexus Silent Wired Mouse SM-8500 (Personal Computers) My girlfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up because I would keep her awake at night with my constant mouse clicking. NOT ANYMORE! Consider this relationship saved. This mouse is so silent she will sometimes forget I'm even home and invite her lover over. He's a pretty cool guy.
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  • 12

    Shiva, do your research!

    Publication - LEONARDO DICAPRIO AMARTIN SCORSESE PICTURE THE WOLF OF WALL STREET There are no wolves in the movie -_-, By Shiva P. This review is from: The Wolf of Wall Street (Blu-ray) There were no wolves in the movie -
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  • 13

    Uh oh...you know what that must mean...

    Rectangle - CAUTION: RADIOACTIVE CONTENT URANIUM ORE ACTIVITY: 984PM ✰✰✰✰✰ Great Product, Poor Packaging, By Patrick J. McGovern This review is from: Uranium Ore I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.
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  • 14

    It's giving existential crisis!

    Line - DENGN LINK Great cable, but too fast., DENON By Matt Sidor This review is from: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable (Discontinued by Manufacturer) (Electronics) Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play bef
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  • 15

    "There isn't really much suspense"

    Font - HOLY BIBLE King James Version ✰✰✰✰✰ A decent sophomore effort., By W. Christian This review is from: The Holy Bible: King James Version (Paperback) For those of you who don't know, this is God's second novel after the Old Testament. It's a marked improvement, in my opinion. He got rid of a lot of his previous angst and scorn, and has really begun to show some of the maturity present in his later works. He's become a much more loving and kind God, and, noticeably, he doesn't throw nearly a
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  • 16

    Glad you're keeping warm!

    Product - MOUNTAIN ✰✰✰✰✰ Great compliment for my skin art, By overlook1977 Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.
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  • 17

    Does anyone still have a Dakota Fanning obsession?

    Font - HOME MEDY OYOTA (BENFIANT ning- OVER ONT- 6001 ON 1200W NOULAYS LILL ✰✰✰✰✰ 4 ports, By Daniel Verified Purchase (What's this?) This review is from: HDE USB Wall Charger LED Light Up 4 Port Travel A/C Power Adapter Charger Hub With Interchangeable Plug (Wireless Phone Accessory) My wife and I can now charge all of our devices simultaneously. Now all we fight about is her crippling alcoholism and my unhealthy obsession with Dakota Fanning
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  • 18

    Great way to maintain anonymity!

    Horse - ✰✰✰✰✰ Saved My Life, By John Neal This review is from: Accoutrements Horse Head Mask (Toy) When I turned State's Witness, they didn't have enough money to put me in the Witness Protection Program, so they bought me this mask and gave me a list of suggested places to move. Since then I've lived my life in peace and safety knowing that my old identity is forever obscured by this life- saving item.
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  • 19

    Priorities, HeroLegend555! Priorities!

    Footwear - ✰✰✰✰✰ Well Worth The Wait, By HeroLegend555 This review is from: NIKE AIR FOAMPOSITE ONE NRG Style# 521286 MENS (Apparel) Sure these shoes are pricey but you get what you pay for. I worked 60 hours a week all year long and I finally was able to purchase these shoes. I put them on and you could immediately tell these weren't your average $60 sneakers. They may have the same amount of form, comfort, shape and performance but they are WAY more stylish. Like $3,000 stylish. Sometimes my d
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  • 20

    As someone who has never ordered athletic equipment online, I cannot relate to this!

    Sports equipment - Falt as mitre ACE By michael Verified Purchase (What is this?) This review is from: Mitre Ace Recreational Football (Sports) Sorry I received a flatball
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  • 21

    Are we aware that your phone can also tell time?

    Watch - 09 15 1000 M St h Pressure Resistant Chronogra TOURBILL 30 LON SEEPO 1-High Pressur Saves $58,000, what a deal!, By Zeeshan Hamid This review is from: Zenith Men's 96.0529.4035/51.M Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch (Watch) I wasn't going to buy this watch, but then I noticed Amazon had it with $58,000 off! What a deal. With the money I saved I purchased a brand new BMW and still had money left over for a Disney vacation. How many watches save you money to buy a car and a
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  • 22

    She's a survivor, folks!

    Font - ✰✰✰✰✰ It LITERALLY survived a tornado!, photive By Jason Shaw Verified Purchase (What's this?) This review is from: Photive HYDRA Waterproof Wireless Bluetooth Speaker. Rugged Shockproof and Waterproof Portable Wireless Speaker. (Wireless Phone Accessory) I bought this for my father-in-law for Christmas. His home was completely demolished by an EF4 tornado the next day. The following day entailed torrential rain. Today, we found the speaker amongst the soaking wet rubble of his home. Amaz
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