Doggos With Dating App Profiles That Prove That Puppos Have More Personality Than the Last Chad You Matched With on Tinder

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 18, 2023 8:00 AM EDT

Dogs have enormous personalities. If your pup is a white poofy maltese that acts like an elderly woman who plays sudoku or if you have a floppy doberman who acts a little too much like Snoop Dogg, you know for a fact that your dog is a humanoid trapped in a pooch suit. But what would your dog's dating profile look like if they had the audacity to hop up on Doggie Tinder? Would the app be called Howlin Hookups or Sloppy Kisses? You tell me. 

If your dog could write their own profile description, it would probably be just as favorable as every Chad you've ever matched with. Cutie pie, self-taught pottier, enjoys long walks on the beach– you know the deal. These doggos mean business and they're not going to stop until they've found their furr-ever love. At least most of these poochy profiles is honest with themselves. They're not out here to front.

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  • 01
    Dog - Jared, 23. Has a wardrobe dedicated to protein supplements. Posts a gym selfie on Snapchat every day. Uses the ''emoji with all women.
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  • 02
    Pug - Jermaine, 21. Uploads weekly mixtapes to SoundCloud. Lives with his mum who doesn't know he smokes weed. Preferred Stormzy's earlier stuff.
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  • 03
    Dog - Scott, 20. Unemployed. Hasn't listened to anything except Oasis in 2 years. Went out last night and still on it. Has a 'Live Forever' tattoo 16
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  • 04
    Dog - Mary, 26. Vegan. She's already told you why. Attends peaceful protests against the skyrocketing increase in avocado prices.
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  • 05
    Dog - Dorothy, 83. Completes 10 crosswords a day. Will force you to eat even if you aren't hungry. Won't stop waving when you leave until you're out of sight. @dogpersonalities
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  • 06
    Dog - Arthur, 54. Loves fox hunting, Brexit and the countryside. Hates immigrants, poor people and Jeremy Corbyn. Starts every conversation with 'I pay my taxes' ㅏ
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  • 07
    Dog - Geoff, 74. Just got a Facebook account to keep in touch with his grandchildren. Accidentally posted this photo 5 times with no caption. E
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  • 08
    Dog - Scott, 24. Lied on his CV to get the job. Makes cups of tea for the office every hour to distract his coworkers from his incompetence.
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  • 09
    Dog - Brad, 32. Addicted to Tinder. Carries beard oil and a comb wherever he goes. Didn't get the memo about topknots going out of fashion. E @dogpersonalities
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  • 10
    Plant - Dave, 36. At his child's first sports day telling everyone how good he used to be at sports before he got fat. Nobody believes him.
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  • 11
    Dog - Sharon, 38. Hasn't worked a day in her life. Hates her husband but loves his credit card. Polishes off a bottle of Merlot a day.
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  • 12
    Dog - Simon, 35. Finally has kids of his own and now realises why his dad was always so pissed off when he was younger
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  • 13
    Dog - Darren, 35 and alcoholic. Drinks a can of Monster every morning before his construction job. Yells at the screen when football is on TV.
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  • 14
    Dog - backpacking for 2 Greg, 22. Dropped out of college after a month and went weeks. Now posts inspirational quotes on FB and works in a bar.
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  • 15
    Comfort - Leanne, 25. Got a bit carried away over the Easter bank holiday weekend. Never wants to see another glass of Rosé again. Suffering from hungover existential dread. @dogpersonalities
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  • 16
    Dog - Brendon, 31. Brews his own craft beer. Works as a barista in an artisan coffee shop and only brings dry aged meat to BBQs. 11 @dogpersonalities
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  • 17
    Product - Molly, 24. Skint and waiting for payday. Didn't buy a ticket and eagerly looking out for the conductor so she can run and hide in the toilet. W'
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  • 18
    Outerwear - Nige, 41. Not letting you in with those shoes mate.
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  • 19
    Dog - Cole, 33. Lives in the PNW, works for a tech company. Recycles daily and enjoys nature walks on Sundays.
    via dogpersonalities

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