‘No takesies backsies’: College roommate installs a stripper pole in the living room, refuses to move it for normal furniture

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 22, 2023 1:00 PM EDT

Dealing with a roommate can sometimes be the most difficult part of navigating college life. On top of that, you're constantly battling internal struggles like taking the right classes for your major, eating enough dinner before hitting the bars, and the tried and true favorite– grappling with the daily pressures of putting a stripper pole in your living room. 

Like all college kids, when you're young and dumb and finally able to make autonomous home decor decisions for yourself, the stripper pole installation is almost always on the top of your list. For some reason, the s3xually charged, rebellious nature of the pole is what draws people in, but it's seldom considered as a flamboyant burden to the rest of the house. One college girl living with her two best friends found out the hard way exactly how inconvenient a vertical pole in your living space really is. 

u/lavenderloverr, a third year in college, had just moved in with her closest friends. They had a house with a living room and were excited to remodel it to their liking. Before having any furniture in place, Lavender asked her roomies if she could install a stripper pole in the middle as a new exercise/hobby piece and they heartily agreed. Like any 20 year old would, they agreed before really understanding the consequences. 

After a short couple of weeks, the girls started wishing they had a real living room with actual furniture– ie: a couch, a TV, and maybe a coffee table– like real adults. Lavender wasn't about to let their initial support of her stripper pole go to waste, so when they asked her to move it to another corner, she refused. When OP stood her ground and threatened the others, her roommates called her bluff and went straight to the landlord, ratting her out for installing a pole in the room and now the girls friendship is on the rocks. 

There are definitely going to be some passive aggressive Post-it notes left on the fridge this semester…

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  • 01
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  • 02
    Font - A few months ago, I (F20) decided I wanted to take up pole dancing. I told my roommates Amanda (F20) and Holly (F26) that I was thinking of getting one and installing it in the living room, and they said go ahead.
    via lavenderloverr
  • 03
    Rectangle - Side note: we had no furniture at the time, so this pole was installed in an empty living room. A little while later, since nobody else was getting furniture, I got a couch off Facebook Marketplace. Holly also got a TV for the living room.
    via lavenderloverr
  • 04
    Font - Right after we got the TV, Holly demanded that we move the pole out of the backside of the living room so that the TV and couch could fit in the corner where the pole already is.
    via lavenderloverr
  • 05
    Font - I was confused by her request because the couch was already placed close to the centre of the living room and there was an outlet available for the TV to go in front of the couch. I asked Holly why she wanted to move it into the corner, and she said because she wants a "cozy little nook."
    via lavenderloverr
  • 06
    Font - I told her that the pole is quite difficult to move and install, and the pole being in its existing spot gives me enough room; the new spot she suggested would have me slightly in the way of the hallway, and I couldn't tell if there was a stud where she wants to move it to.
    via lavenderloverr
  • 07
    Font - Because of those reasons, I told Holly kindly that I wouldn't be moving the pole. and the couch can stay where it is on the other side of the living room. partly because I own the couch, and since she simply asked me, I'm allowed to say no.
    via lavenderloverr
  • 08
    Font - She didn't respond well to this; she contacted our rental company and told them that we had an "unauthorised stripper pole" in our unit that no one agreed to. An administrator came to our unit and told me that the pole needed to be removed.
    via lavenderloverr
  • 09
    Font - I was obviously pissed she snitched on me, so I told Holly if she still wants her "cozy little nook," she can get her own couch. I'm restricting her from using mine. AITA?
    via lavenderloverr
  • 10
    Font - JMarie113 4 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] ESH. You are both being selfish and immature. Sounds like you guys have some growing up to do.
    via JMarie113
  • 11
    Mammal - Sloth LordMcMarekat. 3 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [20] And this does not sound like living arrangement that's going to last
    via SlothLordMcMarekat
  • 12
    Font - aplin TheRalphExpress. 25 min. ago what do you mean?? it's perfectly healthy to ban a roommate from using a couch!
    via TheRalphExpress
  • 13
    Font - Professional Bus861 2 hr. ago OP pretty much took over the living room with their hobby. That is not "sharing". OP is the a hole here. When you live together the rule isn't "I claimed it first" - it is based on equity. OP is TA They're both immature.
    via Professional_Bus861
  • 14
    Font - Plucky_Puck 1 hr. ago I mean, I don't know if OP "took over" the living room with their hobby... It's a pole set up in the corner of the room. It's not like it's a full stage or something that goes through the middle of the living room. But yeah, neither one is really making an effort to compromise here
    via Plucky_Puck
  • 15
    Font - deadly_toxin 36 min. ago OP should have gotten permission from the landlord. Full stop. That automatically makes her the a hole. You don't get to install permenant fixtures into someone else's property without permission.
    via deadly_toxin
  • 16
    Font - lolgobbz 43 min. ago Yeah- but it's already installed so... "no taksies backsies" I can't even imagine the landlord got involved- I wouldn't have. I would have said "I have not concern or authority over your home decor. All damage will be accounted for at the end of your lease and deducted from your security deposit."
    via lolgobbz
  • 17
    Facial expression - bakedjennett 48 min. ago Yeah it definitely sounds like they didn't quite realize what OP intended or how much space her hobby was going to demand.
    via bakedjennett
  • 18
    Font - KronkLaSworda 3 hr. ago Supreme Court Just YTA Yes, you had permission at first; however, as people get settled in, you need to accept changes. You don't get to permanently hog the common area with your exercise equipment. Put that in your room where it belongs. It would be like putting an exercise bike or bowflex in the middle of the living room.
    via KronkLaSworda
  • 19
    Rectangle - moanaw123 56 min. ago Or perhaps they could all take up pole dancing and hang off the pole instead of sitting on a couch like normal humans watching tv. YTA
    via moanaw123
  • 20
    Font - Fam TheRalphExpress 29 min. ago it honestly blows my mind that you could begin a living arrangement with someone and not have the "so how should we decorate the living room" conversation. it's the main common space in the house, it should be a space where everyone feels like that can relax and be. Imagine trying to sit on the couch and read a book while your roommate is pole dancing ffs!
    via TheRalphExpress

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friendship furniture landlord tantrum home decor living room drama roommate dispute stripper pole friends girlfriends narc fight college girls roommates passive aggressive college
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