'Not much sleep was had': Husband defends wife from passenger over airplane etiquette

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 9, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

No one ever agrees about this debate. Depending on where you're sitting on the plane, your point of view changes on this too!

The evergreen debate being had on r/AmItheA**hole is from a frustrated husband who recently flew with his wife. It seems like the trouble started right from the beginning of their flight. The dude behind the OP's wife was playing a game on the in-flight TV, meaning that he was jabbing at the back of her head! If that wasn't annoying enough, the OP's wife was really sleepy, and wanted to get some rest during the flight. So when she leaned her seat back, the game-playing guy behind her didn't take kindly to it. 

The OP shared his story, and no one can agree who's right and wrong in this situation. It seems like the plane seat reclining is always an issue. If you're the one reclining, you're confident in your right to relax and be comfortable as you snooze, and the person behind you will just have to deal. But the second the person in front of you reclines, you're annoyed that you have someone's scalp three inches from your head. It's a no-win situation, truly. 

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  • 01
    Font - 'I told him I would get a flight attendant if needed and he told me to " go ahead, get someone"
    via Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - AITA for telling the guy behind us to not lean on my wife's reclined plane seat TLDR: person behind kept waking my wife up on our long haul flight by leaning on her reclined chair
    via u/jambo_72
  • 03
    Font - On a recent flight from the UK to the US my wife (F30s) and I (M30s) were flying British Airways economy (7 1/2 hour flight) which is fairly generous for it's leg room for long hauls (I'm 6' 3" so appreciate this).
    via u/jambo_72
  • 04
    Font - From the start of the flight the person (probs M30s) sitting behind my wife had his arms over the top of her chair almost touching her head, putting his weight on the chair so it kept bouncing and tapping his screen (I think he was playing an inflight game). My wife was upset but shrugged it off. I told her I would speak to him but she told me not to bother. I asked if she wanted to swap but she said it was ok.
    via u/jambo_72
  • 05
    Font - Maybe an hour in my wife wanted to sleep as it had been a hectic trip and she was tired so tried to recline her chair to get comfy. The guy started pushing her chair back up to prevent it from reclining. I told her to try again and used a lot of my own strength to physically force it into the recline position (got there after a few go's). The person behind started to tap and bounce more on the back of her chair. Not much sleep was had.
    via u/jambo_72
  • 06
    Font - The food came round and my wife put her seat up to allow the person behind to enjoy there meal comfortably. After the meal trash was thrown away she wanted to sleep again and the battle to put down the chair began once more until she was reclined.
    via u/jambo_72
  • 07
    Font - She managed to get to sleep and had napped for maybe 20 minutes when he really started moving the back of her hair and she woke up with a fright.
    via u/jambo_72
  • 08
    Font - At this point I turned around and tried to calmly say "Hey, please can you stop leaning on my wife's seat as she is trying to sleep and you have woken her up". He replied saying that she shouldn't be reclining her chair because it's rude. I responded saying that there is room for everyone to recline their chairs and that he can recline, then the person behind can too and so on. He said he wouldn't be rude to the person behind him. I said that my wife can recline is she wants to and asked
    via u/jambo_72
  • 09
    Font - It was fine for 15 minutes and then she was woken up again with him leaning on the top of her seat with his phone this time. I turned around (and less politely) told him that he had already asked him to stop and that he had woken my wife again. I told him I would get a flight attendant if needed and he told me to " go ahead, get someone". I left it at that.
    via u/jambo_72
  • 10
    Font - I had to go to the bathroom and when I returned he had swapped seats with his partner and was now leaning on the back of a new person's seat who was watching a movie and not reclining. AITA or was I justified?
    via u/jambo_72
  • 11
    Font - RoyallyOakie 6 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [23... NTA...As soon as he said to go ahead and get someone, I would have. He was invading her space while accusing her of invading his.
    via u/RoyallyOakie
  • 12
    Font - Odd_Violinist2435. 1 hr. ago I hate it when someone reclines and prevents you from watching movies... And I personally go by the angry guy's rules. But, I don't think your wife was wrong either. I think the airline seat designer is the massive AH.
    via u/Odd_Violinist2435
  • 13
    Font - rashdanml· 49 min. ago Seats typically have screens that can tilt outward to compensate for the reclining, so the impact on the entertainment system is minimal.
    via u/rashdanml
  • 14
    Font - Jaytalfam 6 hr. ago NTA You handled that well but I would have had the flight attendant involved much sooner. He's an obvious jackas and needs to be regulated. When I read things like this I marvel at just how rude and obnoxious some, so called adults, can be.
    via u/Jaytalfam
  • 15
    Font - pottersquash 6 hr. ago Judge, Jury, and Excretion... ESH. So there was a readily available solution but instead of talking it out yall did a couple hours of passive aggression. Why sometimes humans just gotta talk things out.
    via u/pottersquash
  • 16
    Font - thedoodely 2 hr. ago . This. Before reclining it's good to give the person behind you a heads up in case they have something on the tray or need to do something else. Also, the guy behind them was obviously using the screen and they should have switched seats which would I have been the most obvious fing solution. Instead, they all acted like entitled Neanderthals. ESH indeed.
    via u/thedoodely
  • 17
    Font - OwlPal91826 hr. ago Parta: ipant [1] NTA. He was pushing and messing with the seat before it was reclined so it being reclined was not the reason he was being an a, he just is one.
    via u/OwlPal91826
  • 18
    Font - Anon142842 6 hr. ago NTA what's the point in the plane having reclining chairs if it's "rude"
    via u/Anon142842
  • 19
    Font - Just_when_I_thought. 5 hr. ago In certain circumstances, it is fine. In others it is disruptive/uncomfort able for the person behind you. Airlines thought people would be able to tell the difference! (Wrong.)
    via u/Just_when_I_thought
  • 20
    Font - SincerelyCynical. 5 hr. ago Certified Proctolog... This is why I really wish they had non-reclining sections, too. I never recline, so it's a pain for me when the person in front of me reclines (a pain that I obvs bear silently because that is absolutely their right). If, as OP said, everyone in a line reclines, no problem. If one person reclines and the person behind them doesn't, it sucks. It's not the passenger's fault or responsibility, but it still sucks.
    via u/SincerelyCynical
  • 21
    Font - plumdelight 5 hr. ago ESH, im gonna get hate but if your wife was so far reclined that his elbows could comfortably rest on the top of her chair she was practically in his lap, thats fing abhorrent, and an invasion of personal space, he was a massive d about it though, buy a neck pillow like everyone else next time
    via u/plumdelight
  • 22
    Font - jambo_72 OP. 1 hr. ago The chair only reclines probably 5cms or less. He had his arms above his head and leaning them on the top of the chair. I have never seen someone sit like this on a plane.
    via u/jambo_72

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