'Fun Dad' Who Refuses to Discipline Kids Accuses Wife of Replacing Him With the Nanny When She Names Her In Charge

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    Font - Posted by u/ZealousidealWait2698 14 hours ago 2 AITA for telling my husband the nanny is in charge?
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    Font - I want to preface this by saying that I am aware this is a very privileged issue but I'm trying to get some perspective on my opinion.
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    Font - My husband and I have 3 kids that are 10 months, 3 years and 6 years old. My husband has a high profile job and it means he's gone often. I work a regular 9-5. We originally used daycare for our oldest but my middle was born right when the pandemic began, so we hired a nanny. She originally
  • 04
    Font - worked when I did. But by the time baby came around, I was very overwhelmed doing bath and bedtime on my own, on top of developing postpartum depression. After a breakdown, we spoke with the nanny and she agreed to adjust her hours so she's helping me with dinner, bath and bed.
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    Font - We've gotten close over the past 6 months doing this. In many ways, she's become like a third parent to the kids. She's so good with them. We've created a routine that works well. I tend to the baby during bath and bed, she handles the older 2. It's a nice rhythm and my mental health has gotten so much better.
  • 06
    Font - My husband isn't traveling all the time but most nights, he isn't even home for dinner and bed. He will help me weekends he's home. But because he's gone so often, he's reluctant to be firm with the kids.
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    Font - There are times he's come home when our nanny is there. He tries to help her with bath and bed, but allows the boys to rough house, lets them break the routine and it seriously throws them off and delays bedtime.
  • 08
    Font - My nanny shared with me she feels awkward. Obviously she doesn't want to undermine her employer but it just makes her job harder. But my husband also doesn't want her to go home when he arrives as he says he can't handle it alone.
  • 09
    Font - I told him if that's the case, then he needs to defer to the nanny and follow her lead. She knows our boys best and she has to deal with the aftermath when they don't listen and give her a hard time.
  • 10
    Font - My husband feels that she's just an employee and he's the dad. His salary does pay for her. However, I don't feel this is fair to her.
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    Font - I told him he either follows her lead for bed and bath or he doesn't help at all. He told me I'm allowing the nanny to take over and replace him. AITA?
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    Font - winsomebunny 13 hr. ago. edited 8 hr. ago 8 3 2 & 23 More Certified Proctologist [23] ΝΤΑ I'm so angry reading these responses. Your husband doesn't want to parent. Your husband wants to be Funtime Uncle, who comes in roles everyone up, dishes out sweets, makes sure they don't make their bedtimes and then dips out when the children start having unpleasant reactions to the disruption.
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    Font - These Y TA comments are unhinged and blatantly sexist. Dads also have to fucking parent. It is completely reasonable if the only partner doing any parenting puts their foot down on an unacceptable behavior partner. EDIT: Because I'm feeling salty on OP's behalf God the sexism is strong here. Why does dad always get to be the Funtime guy and mum always has to be the downer doing the actual parenting?
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    Font - This is a huge problem in society. You're sitting here perpetuating a sexist system as if it's good for children. You know what is really good for children having a father who is an active partner in parenting. It's also completely false that children won't recognize as the grow that dad didn't give enough of a shot about them to actually be present in their lives.
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    Font - When they look back as adults it's going to be mum they respect. Mum who provided the safe healthy environment for them to grow in. Edit 2: thank you everyone for the awards and the upvotes! And to everyone else thank you for reminding me how exemplary my dad is! I've got to go call him and remind him how awesome I think he is. 38.8k Reply Share
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    Font - Big-Cloud-6719 13 hr. ago 2 . Partassipant [4] Agreed. Dad's gone all the time so when he's home, he wants to be seen as the fun friend, not the parent. The nanny either stays as he requests and he follows her routine or the nanny leaves and he deals with the crap part of parenting (bath, bedtimes, etc.) while keeping the kids on their routine.
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    Font - Otherwise eventually they'll lose the nanny and the only loser there is going to be mom having to deal with all the shit herself when dad's gone. 8.7k B Reply Share
  • 18
    Font - the_RSM 12 hr. ago that was my thought, he thinks the fun time when he gets home will make up for the long absences. uh no, as for the nanny being an employee true. she is also a professional with a better idea of what needs to be done to keep things smooth. by his scale a doctor is also an employee and he would disregard the doctor's instructions because he knew better. 3.5k Reply Share
  • 19
    Font - readthethings13579. 10 hr. ago I rolled my eyes so hard when I got to the part about "he says I'm allowing the nanny to take over and replace him." No, dude. YOU allowed the nanny to replace you when you decided not to be present in your kids' lives. 1.2k Reply Share

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