'I feel uncomfortable' : Man Considers Divorce as Stepdaughter’s Refusal to Learn Asl Puts Strain on Marriage

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elina lee
May 17, 2023 2:00 PM EDT

If there's one thing about life - it's unpredictable. One day you're happy, content, and everything seems like it's finally falling into place. The next, you wake up and your entire world shatters right in front of your eyes. Welp, if we had a penny for every time we heard this narrative - we'd be so wealthy rich we could start our own country… but that's a topic for another day. 

Marriage, relationships, divorce - it's all part of the epic saga we call life. It's not easy and certainly not always pleasant, but it's up to us to persevere and grow from these experiences. Emphasis on the growth part because if there's no growth, you're just running in the same twisted circles. 

Today's highlight is on a newly formed family or should we say newly merged. This story is a clear example of how unpredictable life can get. Have a read for yourself and let us know your thoughts in the comments! 

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/Smart_Palpitation147 20 hours ago A2 2 AITA for forcing my daughter to learn sign language?
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 02
    Font - I (49 F) recently married my husband (52M) who has a deaf 7 year old daughter. She communicates solely via ASL.
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 03
    Font - For some background, my daughter (17F) is generally a very non-problematic teenager. She does amazing in school, and has never caused any problems other than regular teenage hormone stuff. However, she doesn't like
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 04
    Font - my husband and step daughter. She is not outwardly rude, but basically ignores their existence (skipped SDs birthday party, doesn't engage in anything other than basic small talk with my husband). I
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 05
    Font - did try to do family activities together to have the bond and all, but I stopped pushing it when it didn't happen and as long as she's not being outwardly rude or harmful to them, I can't exactly punish her for not liking them.
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 06
    Font - Now, since my relationship with my now husband started getting serious, I started taking ASL classes and am now basically as fluent as a hearing person can be. My daughter, however, never made an effort, which is ok since she technically has no responsibility towards her.
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 07
    Font - However, recently my daughter has started watching SD (paid) when we aren't around, which changes things. In my opinion, since she is now spending time in which she is responsible for a young child, she needs to learn at least basic communication. When I
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 08
    Font - brought it up to her, she outright refused to make any effort at all. I tried recommending YouTube videos, but she refused to try learning even a couple words, saying she's not responsible for my choice to be in the life of a disabled child.
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 09
    Font - This issue has also been causing a lot of problems in my marriage. My husband confided in me that he's starting to feel uncomfortable with his young daughter living with someone who is so cold she refuses to make even the most basic effort, or engage with her at all. He has brought
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 10
    Font - up that he is considering divorce due to his concerns about how SD will be affected by this.
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 11
    Font - So given all that, I had to finally put my foot down. I told my daughter that we have a disabled person living in our household for the foreseeable future, and if she wants to live here for college (graduating next month), she has to at least learn basic ASL. She
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 12
    Font - doesn't have to like her stepfather and stepsister, nor does she have to hang out with them, but she has to have the ability to communicate with her for the sake of safety and basic decency. I made it
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 13
    Font - clear that if she chooses not to, she is welcome to live in a dorm (that I will pay for ), it's just that living in our house (that is also my SD's house, my husband and I paid for the house equally) comes with basic rules.
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 14
    Font - Well, my daughter hasn't spoken to me for 7 days, so its about time I ask, AITA?
    via u/Smart_Palpitation147
  • 15
    Font - AlcoholicCocoa · 20 hr. ago edited 16 hr. ago Asshole Enthusiast [7] ESH, except the youngling. Your daughter is TA because she misplaces her frustration and emotional discomfort of your new marriage on her step-sister - the last person on earth who it should be put on. Maybe she even resents that you made her watch, paid or not.
    via u/AlcoholicCocoa
  • 16
    Font - Your husband is TA because he threatens you with divorce over this. Instead of talking and asking your daughter how she feels, or consider a different babysitter he pulls out the nuclear option to your relationship.
    via u/AlcoholicCocoa
  • 17
    Font - You are TA because you throw you daughter under the bus for marriage's sake and threaten to kick her out instead of being a mother and trying to understand her and offer her a bail out aka a different babysitter Edit: Disagreeing with my pov is fine, but you don't need to DM me insults. 18.1k Reply Share
    via u/AlcoholicCocoa
  • 18
    Font - miligato 20 hr. ago I think the husband is fully in the right. The issue isn't just the babysitting, the issue is one family member in the house deliberately and obviously rejecting the other and doing so by focusing on their disability. That's not going to be an appropriate setting for the child to live. 11.4k Reply Share
    via u/miligato
  • 19
    Font - bee2dub2004 18 hr. ago ● Sorry, but you can say what you want about how the mother should be tiptoeing around the feelings of her 17 year old otherwise compliant kid, but the husband has a vulnerable, disabled 7 year- old that is being emotionally abused in this situation. It
    via u/bee2dub2004
  • 20
    Font - doesn't really matter WHY the 17 yo feels this way, it's the behavior that is corrosive to his child. He may be heartbroken about leaving his partner, we don't have his perspective here. However, his priority has to be his child, first and foremost. So he is
    via u/bee2dub2004
  • 21
    Font - not wrong to say he needs to consider divorce. Those were her words. Commenters have twisted that into "threatening" and an ultimatum. I can give him the benefit of the doubt. That is because I have a disabled child. No matter how heart wrenching it would be, I would place my obligation to her above anybody or anything else in this world. 3.5k Reply Share
    via u/bee2dub2004
  • 22
    Font - yewhwan 17 hr. ago ● well said, I just posted the same comment almost verbatim. I really don't get how anyone can see the father as TA in this situation, he's just trying to give his daughter the best childhood he can provide.
    via u/yewhwan
  • 23
    Font - sraydenk 14 hr. ago Asshole Aficionado [10] He married someone who had a kid who actively didn't like him or his kid. A kid who was going to college soon. A kid who refused to communicate with his kid. He ignored the issue and after getting married made the ultimatum
    via u/sraydenk
  • 24
    Font - So why not wait to get married? Or why continue the relationship? I have a kid and no way I would continue a relationship or move forward knowing there was another kid who wouldn't accept my kid. This issue didn't just pop up, it's been there since the beginning.
    via u/sraydenk
  • 25
    Font - He's an asshole to his kid for ignoring it until now.
    via u/sraydenk

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family drama marriage sign language daughters relationships parenting deaf asl dating
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