'You should learn how to take "no" for an answer': Woman shuts down nosy coworker's questions about her husband's salary with controversial response

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Aug 13, 2023 9:00 AM EDT

The workplace presents itself with many challenges... Chief among them being painful social interactions with the dreaded coworker. 

Take, for example, Trish, who brings her needlessly pungent soup every day for lunch. The soup smells as if it has been assembled with broth made by soaking the feet of aged retirement home inhabitants before distilling the soaking to carefully concentrate the very essence of foot odor. 

Trish heats her foot soup in the kitchen microwave daily, where its putrid scent seems down the hallway, permeating through the crack in your open door. By the time you smell it, it's too late, the scent has taken over your office, and you're going to be breathing in aerosolized foot soup for the rest of the day. To make matters worse, Trish seems incapable of entertaining herself while she's eating and will usually wander down from the break room to pay you a visit. Slurping foot soup while leaning in the doorway to your office, somehow managing to bang the spoon noisily into crooked teeth with each satisfied slurp before returning the spoon to the bowl in an inattentive effort to scrape out the bottom of it. 

If it isn't Trish and her foot soup, it's any number of painfully grating interactions, like that coworker who can't keep their nose in their own business. 

This worker shared an interaction that she had with her nosy coworker, wondering if she was in the wrong for putting her coworker in her place over her questions about her husband's salary. After finally having enough of the questions, the worker swore at her coworker, calling her out for her nosy behavior. 

While readers largely declared the worker and original poster of the thread to be "not the a-hole" for her behavior, they did advise that she apologize for swearing in order to keep the peace and keep herself clear of any trouble with HR.

Read on to see the original thread and responses from readers below.

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/islaisla321 14 hours ago AITA for calling my coworker a "nosy b*tch" after she kept insisting to know my husband's salary? My husband and I have, both 33, have been together since college. Over the years, he's had quite the career trajectory. He's a quant PM and makes like 10x what I make (and I make a good salary haha!). As we've grown wealthier, I've learned that people become nosier. Friends, acquaintances, relatives, you name it. In the beginning I would entertain the nosy
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  • 02
    Font - My co-worker, 25, is new and she already has quite the reputation. Very chatty, catty, gossipy, you get the gist. You can just tell she craves wealth and status. She wears a bunch of flashy designer items and is always asking the ladies around the office which of the men are single.
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  • 03
    Font - Last Friday, our office hosted an afternoon happy hour. She approached me and asked how me and my husband's recent vacation to Europe went. I told her it went well and briefly summarized what we did. Then the conversation went something like this: Her: "So what does your husband do?" Me: "He works in finance."
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  • 04
    Font - Her: "Oh wow, he must make a ton then to be taking you on all these lavish vacations! I hope you don't mind me asking, but how much does he make in a year??" Me: "Yes, we're very lucky that he makes a good salary." Polite smile Her: "Oh c'monnn I won't tell anyone. How much does he rake in a year? Millions??" Me: Awkward chuckle "I'd rather not say, but it's up there!"
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  • 05
    Font - Her: "What, he doesn't allow you to give an exact number or something??" Me: Visibly annoyed "No, I just prefer not to say." Her: Laughs in my face "You'd think the stuck-up one would be the one with money, not the one without!" Me: "You should learn how to take 'no' for an answer and when to quit being a nosy bio. It's a valuable lesson."
    via u/islaisla321
  • 06
    Font - Then I smiled at her and walked away. Later on, I had a few co-workers reach out to me and say that she was crying and left early and that I should apologize for calling her a rude name. I refused. I told my mom and she said I was too rude to the new girl and that she's young and might not fully understand "salary talk". I think she's old enough. Husband is fully on my side but said maybe I should fake apologize for the sake of office politics, which I somewhat agree with. But still, AITA
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  • 07
    Font - Imfakingamnesia 14 hr. ago I know women like her. The type to find out it's 'millions' and then starts sleazing all over your husband. NTA. 27.9k islaisla321 OP 14 hr. ago PLAN Share Oh, trust me, I know exactly what you mean. I've encountered my fair share of those too and my new co-worker is definitely one of them. 14.3k . 8.6k Imfakingamnesia. 14 hr. ago Honestly i'd of said the same thing. Her crying and acting like a little victim is the proof in the pudding. What a manipulator. Shar
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  • 08
    Font - or o ManufacturerNo6126 15 hr. ago. edited 15 hr. ago NTA Report her to HR. She Kind of Low Key Tried to get to know His salary so she can hang on him and be His girlfriend 9.9k Share 4.7k islaisla321 OP 15 hr. ago I could definitely see her as the type of woman to throw herself onto married men if they have enough money. ... 1.2k Share ManufacturerNo6126 15 hr. ago Yep that's exactly the kind of Person she is. Fake crocodile tears AS her plan didn't go as planned and know guilt tripping
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  • 09
    Font - Bo_058 ΝΤΑ Though I agree that she is young, and it was harsh. And I agree that for the sake of office politics you should say something like "I apologize for calling you a bo, but I do hope it was a valuable lesson for you and next time you are able to recognize other people's boundaries when they draw them". 7.4k Share islaisla321 OP I think this is the way to go as well and I plan on saying something like that tomorrow. 3.8k starkindled Share I like responding to nosiness with astonish
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  • 10
    Font - rapt2right 15 hr. ago Supreme Court Just-ass [129] NTA but I have always found "Why do you ask?" is more effective than vague answers to unacceptably personal questions. If that fails to end it, still don't give any answers. "That's not something I discuss outside my family & my tax guy" (₁) 5.3k Share 3.2k ... islaisla321 OP. 15 hr. ago You know what, that's actually a great response, wow. I've never thought about directing a question back at them, but I can totally see how that can be m
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  • 11
    Font - GimerStick ESH. I don't think I need to go into why she's le. an a You should be able to walk away from someone at a work event without calling them a bh. There are certainly situations that might warrant it, but she didn't assault you or steal something or otherwise act beyond the pale where you can justify losing control. Just... walk away. Don't put your coworkers in the position where they have to debate justifying you/anyone calling someone a bitch. The workplace isn't somewhere to p
    via u/islaisla321
  • 12
    Font - SnowEnvironmental861 12 hr. ago. edited 12 hr. ago Can't believe how far I had to scroll for this. IMO there is never a good reason to call someone a bio, ESPECIALLY in the work environment. You have to see these people (and the people they work with) every day, and it just creates divisiveness. Better to just be firm and dismissive: "I don't discuss this with anyone, sorry." ETA: By using a nasty word, you put yourself in a position to be thought harsh and wrong. By saying the above, you
    via u/islaisla321
  • 13
    Organism - Interesting_Candy766 · 15 hr. ago So what does he make? 1.6k Share Anjallat 14 hr. ago Partassipant [1] He makes OP happy. ✩ 2.6k Share 2
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  • 14
    Font - Bulky Accountant6490 15 hr. ago ESH. She was rude, but you were too. You have to be professional in a work place setting, because conduct like that can harm your reputation. Was it really worth it to escalate the situation like that? You could have easily been NTA if you had just said "excuse me" and walked off. 1.1k Share
    via u/islaisla321
  • 15
    Font - Solidus27 13 hr. ago ESH What planet do you live on? You can't call your colleague a bitch at work, even if they are a Oh and very much acting like a bitch in that moment 1.0k Share ... ellegirl82091 12 hr. ago 300 This. Completely unprofessional and really makes YOU look bad. We can't control others' behavior, but we can certainly control our response, especially at work. Share ...
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  • 16
    Font - chapkachapka 14 hr. ago Partassipant [2] ESH. Yes, she was being rude and unprofessional. Your response was also rude and unprofessional. The first time being polite fails, be direct. If being direct fails, say "it was nice to meet you" or "have a good day" and walk away. If we all swore at everyone at our jobs who deserved it, nothing would ever get done. 604 Share
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  • 17
    Font - KMN208 15 hr. ago ESH She for being nosy and you for name calling. You are 30, even with a no shits given attitude, it would have been enough to say "You should learn how to take 'no' for an answer and when you are crossing the line of curious to nosy and rude. It's a valuable lesson." 392 Share
    via u/islaisla321
  • 18
    Font - sagehoe 15 hr. ago NTA. You gave her plenty chances to shut up and take what you gave her but she chose to try to walk all over you. Not your fault huney 268 Share
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  • 19
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terrible coworkers amitheahole aita in-the-workplace work coworkers workplace coworker
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