30 Fresh Tweets From Twitter Users Who Refuse to Call it X (August 26, 2023)

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  • 01
    Font - Starring Me Jesse McLaren @McJesse Hi, I'm a scientist in Pokémon. My job is to know about Pokémon. There are exactly 150 Pokémon. Oops! My mistake, we found one more. Turns out there are 151 Pokémon. Hold it, upon further inspection, it appears there are thousands of them. I don't know what I'm doing. 6:10 PM 8/15/23 782K Views . 1,474 Reposts 51 Quotes
  • 02
    Font - ce aubin? @ceaubin RIP to whoever is about to receive the literal wall of text currently being drafted by the person sitting in front of me on the train. It begins with "my feelings on our situation have not changed," so godspeed 8:40 PM 8/15/23 from Earth 1.8M Views 2,474 Reposts 200 Quotes
  • 03
    Font - hazel @hazelrosedee when i was in school i was doing my french speaking exam and i started crying cause i literally couldn't do it and my french teacher said 'it's okay you're not the worst, the girl before you answered the questions in english with a french accent' and i could not breathe omg 10:40 AM 8/16/23 from Earth 2.6M Views 5,227 Reposts 463 Quotes
  • 04
    Font - Billy Binion @billybinion My friend is housesitting for a couple with 8 cats, whose names are Fettuccine, Tortellini, Prosciutto, Gelato, Tortilla, Pistachio, Latte... and Winston, and I needed to release that into the universe. 9:23 PM 8/16/23 from Earth. 14K Views . 7 Reposts 3 Quotes 215 Likes 4 Bookmarks
  • 05
    Font - Rob DenBleyker @RobDenBleyker do you ever think about how since Doordash started, some amount of cars in a traffic jam are just someone's sandwich. a whole spot on the road just occupied by a guys lunch 2:48 AM 8/12/23 4.7M Views 6,248 Reposts 356 Quotes
  • 06
    Font - Ben Landau-Taylor @benlandautaylor When people talk about selectively adopting technology to preserve culture, they usually bring up the Amish, and that's fair. But the French ban on paternity testing is a much funnier example. 4:52 PM 8/15/23 from Earth.774K Views . 867 Reposts 94 Quotes
  • 07
    Gesture - horse dentist @equine__dentist something to take the edge off 5:07 PM 8/16/23 from Earth 95.3K Views :
  • 08
    Font - Tim?! from BlueKeyGames! @BlueKeyGames Every conversation between R2-D2 and C-3PO You're unable to view this Tweet because this account owner limits who can view their Tweets. Learn more Zane the X Slayer... watch out Psy.... 4h thats nasty 17 1 4 You're unable to view this Tweet because this account owner limits who can view their Tweets. Learn more 12:18 PM 8/16/23 782K Views Zane the X Slayer... watch out Psy.... 3h u know sometimes i wonder about that in real life 5,871 Reposts 46 Quo
  • 09
    Forehead - Charles J. Moore @charles270 I want Claire Huxtable to yell at him JUMPER MPEST BLEDSOE HE COSBY SHOW" 7:55 AM 8/18/23 from Earth. 700K Views . 3,186 Reposts 534 Quotes
  • 10
    Font - Dan Olson @Foldable Human AITA for marrying my best friend? Edit: who I met through a mutual acquaintance Edit 2: the acquaintance is my daughter Edit 3: they know each other from school Edit 4: the school is Jr. High Edit 5: but they're starting college now Edit 6: we've been married for 3 years 2:35 PM 8/15/23 from Earth. 1.3M Views 907 Reposts 42 Quotes
  • 11
    Water resources - S Transit @transitlanta God has given me a vision Margaritaville High Speed Rail @YIMBYLAND 999 12:48 AM 8/17/23 from Earth 556K Views 1,693 Reposts 180 Quotes ... MARGARITAVILLE
  • 12
    Font - Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit Every single employee telling you they'll quit if you do this should have been enough data FORTUNE Most bosses regret how they mandated workers return to the office. They blamed it on not having enough data Jane Thier Mon, August 14, 2023, 1:34 PM EDT 5 min read 12:29 PM 8/15/23 from Earth 2.5M Views • . 4,745 Reposts 135 Quotes
  • 13
    Font - Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking marriage tip: if your wife says she gained weight on vacation and you find out you lost weight - no you did not. in fact, you gained more than her plus you now have diabetes and need an oxygen tank. got it? ok good talk. 9:31 AM 8/15/23 from Earth. 43.7K Views . 187 Reposts 7 Quotes 2,074 Likes 17 Bookmarks
  • 14
    Nose - peet @Peeting Disorder Punched a mf in his mouth last night bc he said he was a dog groomer. Animal perverts get their teeth knocked out. 1:41 PM 8/15/23 from Earth. 1.1M Views
  • 15
    Font - kevikev @KevCoke6 Donald Trump and Young Thug both facing RICO charges from the same D.A. might be the craziest melding of worlds we've ever seen. 10:56 PM 8/14/23 from Earth 1.8M Views . 3,746 Reposts 199 Quotes
  • 16
    Lighting - jacky M @JackWilliamRtF started looking at homes for our yearly fall friend weekend and i found one that caters to a Very specific demographic 3:33 PM 8/15/23 from Earth. 66.1K Views ... 7 Reposts 16 Quotes 985 Likes 28 Bookmarks
  • 17
    Cartoon - molly mary o'brien @missmollymary can i say something without people getting mad Mrs. Met @mrsmet. 6h When I'm not dancing on the dugout, I'm enjoying the BEST food in bas all! Vote for @CitiField in USA Today's 10Best Stadium Food poll! NA bit.ly/3YxyDQU Mets ANDA 3:42 PM 8/15/23 1.3M Views
  • 18
    Font - Kaitlin Ruiz @Kaitlin_M_Ruiz when I was in college I took Intro to Philosophy with this guy named Elliot who was often surrounded by girls, and like three weeks into the term the prof asked if they were enrolled in the course and Elliot, clarifying, said "no they are my guests" 2:29 AM 8/16/23 from Earth. 1.5M Views 1,881 Reposts 252 Quotes 46.3K Likes 1,846 Bookmarks ↑ Kaitlin Ruiz @Kaitlin_M_Ruiz. 10h he would go around inviting girls to sit in on our class, but we had very limited seat
  • 19
    Font - @honda.breadandros.es on bsky @HondaWang the new york times comments section is becoming a cumtown bit Aaron Orange County, CA Aug. 11 This tragedy strikes a sour note for me and my life partner. We vacationed there 3 years ago at the beautiful Mantage Kapalua Bay. After a wonderful evening meal we were suddenly asked to participate in a sacred ceremony. Unbeknownst to us, we became "honorary Hawaiians." According to the resort staff, only a handful of "mainlanders" are awarded this high
  • 20
    Font - Joseph K. @wallsallaround How is this not a goddamn Onion quote THR The Hollywood Reporter @THR 1d Harrison Ford has thoughts about a new species of snake that has been named Tachymenoides harrisonfordi: thr.cm/IdwZODP These scientists keep naming critters after me, but it's always the ones that terrify children. I don't understand. I spend my free time cross- stitching. I sing lullabies to my basil plants, so they won't fear the night.” HARRISON FORD 4:55 PM 8/15/23 3.9M Views Holliwood
  • 21
    Font - sarah @tinygreenbug went to the beach today and i was showing a 5 year old girl how to tell if crabs are male or female and she had picked up two male crabs and she very gently made them "kiss" and then she looked at me and went "they're gay :)" 11:38 PM 8/15/23 from Earth 887K Views . 4,393 Reposts 210 Quotes .
  • 22
    Font - Alyssa Leader @alittleleader Today at my office I ran into a guy with a service dog getting off the elevator, and the dog beelined STRAIGHT to my side. Me: Oh, he's so sweet!!! Can he tell if people are stressed? Person: He's a PTSD dog. Me: .. 9:47 PM 8/16/23 from Earth 932K Views 1,644 Reposts 116 Quotes .
  • 23
    Font - e mail @ThePosts Office you should be able to send just the emoji in response to emails 9:28 AM 8/17/23 from Earth. 1.5M Views . 7,735 Reposts 519 Quotes
  • 24
    Wood - Dr. Gorgeous BSc. M.D. (they/them) @Dr_amoytheemd Sorry but being able to connect my AirPods to my stethoscope to make it wireless is a future I didn't see coming 9:41 AM 8/17/23 from Earth. 4M Views .
  • 25
    Font - skooks @skooookum new york city women love to go to bars named bullshit like "the machinist's quarrelsome wife" and get absolutely obliterated off of one $28 cocktail 4:57 PM 8/17/23 from Earth. 165K Views 84 Reposts 16 Quotes
  • 26
    Font - Robert Chapman is they/them @DrRJChapman lovely autistic man in the pub asking each person's name and then instantly telling them the etymology and cultural origin of their name 5:10 PM 8/17/23 from Earth. 489K Views 1,030 Reposts 278 Quotes
  • 27
    Font - mariana @pastapilled Italian couple fighting in front of me and the guy is holding two ice creams so the girl can move her hands around while shouting 4:12 PM 8/18/23 from Earth. 564K Views 1,747 Reposts 528 Quotes
  • 28
    Font - iki Anna Mazzola @Anna_Mazz It's 45 years since the best ever account of an attempted crime. From the Edinburgh Evening News, 18 August 1978. While they were waiting at a bus stop in Clermiston, Mr and Mrs Daniel Thirsty were threatened by Mr Robert Clear. 'He demanded that I give him my wife's purse,' said Mr Thirsty. 'Telling him that the purse was in her basket, I bent down, put my hands up her skirt, detached her artificial leg and hit him over the head with it. It was not my intentio
  • 29
    Font - fragrance and foolishness @Brieyonce There's a white man on TikTok that challenges witches to curse him because he doesn't believe in their magic Imaooo he also asked Christians to pray for him to see whose more powerful LOL 10:07 PM - 8/17/23 from Earth. 1.4M Views 3,900 Reposts 1,234 Quotes
  • 30
    Font - Desus MF'n Nice 100 @desusnice eric adams is tracy morgan's 30 rock character but irl Jeff Coltin @JCColtin-1d Mayor Adams, on one benefit of outdoor dining: "You're looking to date. You may drive by. You may see eye candy sitting down somewhere, you may want to park and come and slip them your number. Come have fun, man. Outdoor di... 7:04 PM 8/16/23 714K Views . 701 Reposts 17 Quotes

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