'That's my car!': Dude watches enraged male-Karen mistakenly destroy his own car

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Sep 1, 2023 12:00 PM EDT

The story that follows is a poetic, almost mythological, series of events that highlights the importance of not being impulsive and controlling one's temper—and of the folly to which pursuing a path of vengeance can lead…

We've all probably been here at some point, wearily wandering out of the supermarket towards our vehicle, groceries in hand, laboriously making our way toward our vehicle, keys ready in our one free hand. Approaching the car, you press the button on the doohickey to unlock the vehicle, only to find that it doesn't respond, the lights don't flash, and the familiar sound of the locks clicking to unlocked positions in unison is strangely absent. I must remember to change the battery in my doohickey. You think to yourself as you mash the button repeatedly, trying to get the car to respond. 

You reach for the handle, with foolish optimism, expecting the door to hold fast… and find it—opens in your grasp. Strange. You think to yourself. Scolding yourself for again forgetting to lock the car.

You place the groceries you're carrying in the backseat, noticing a strange, unfamiliar, musky smell emanating from the car as you do so. You go to the driver's door and pull it open, sliding into the seat to find that nothing is as you left it. The steering wheel is tilted at a lower angle down into your knees, the seat is much too close to the dashboard, and the mirrors are all sorts of wrong—you couldn't possibly see anything useful out of them.

Then, as you notice the unfamiliar ornament on the dash (a cactus wearing a ridiculous mustache and sombrero with "Let's Fiesta" scrawled at its base), it begins to dawn on you in a slow trickle like the sweat now freshly running down your back… This is not your car. 

. . . 

Of course, your experience likely didn't end with you accidentally destroying your own vehicle—as it did for this unrestrained individual…

This guy found himself in the middle of what should have been an amusing mix-up when he parked next to a Subaru that was identical to his own in a Walmart parking lot, with both sporting an earthy shade of muddy green. The only difference was that the guy's car was comparatively worse for wear, namely sporting a sizeable and apparent door-ding from a previous parking lot encounter.

Walmart shoppers are, of course, known for their sound reasoning, impulse control, and strong decision-making skills. So, when the guy emerged with his shopping next to an individual whom he dubbed "The Idiot," certainly nothing untoward was about to happen.

When The Idiot spotted the dent on "his" vehicle, the guy began to witness a change come over him, like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk—only with less green and more impotent suppressed rage.

The Idiot began tearing apart the "offending" person's vehicle (actually his own) in a fit of raging fury. As the guy quietly slipped back towards the store and security, leaving The Idiot perplexed and still raging—and eventually the dawning realization of what had just transpired.

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  • 01
    Automotive parking light
    via Chris Mok || @cr.mok

    also via: Jacob Rubich & Christopher Ott

  • 02
    Font - Posted by u/gaspronomib Want to beat the cO out of your own car? Well, OK then. LOC This is more malicious non-objection than malicious compliance, since my "compliance" consisted mostly of not stopping The Idiot doing the stupid thing (albeit at his own request). But there's no such subreddit so I'll have to post it here. A few weeks ago, I found myself parked next to a car that was (as far as I could tell) identical to mine. Same make (Subaru), model (Outback), color (muddy green), and
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 03
    Font - My car has a largish parking lot ding on the driver- side rear door panel. No idea how it got there. Probably some kid opened his door a little too quickly/forcefully and it smacked into my car. These things happen. No need to get worked up about it. I'd been meaning to get it fixed, and I'm a little sorry that I didn't do it because it would have saved The Idiot a lot of grief. Self-inflicted grief, to be sure, but still. Enter The Idiot. Bog-standard middle American dad. Nothing special
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 04
    Font - I should mention here that I've already clicked my clicker to unlock the car. It'll be important later. Kinda wish I hadn't, tbh. That would have spared The Idiot some grief too. This is the point where The Idiot notices the large ding on "his" car's door. And he takes offense at that. To be fair, that ding is pretty ugly. The paint is gone where the tip or something from whatever hit it was centered, and there's a scratch leading off to one side. I think it kinda looks like a spoon in th
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 05
    Font - So anyway, he gets really mad. Like screaming things like "son of a bio!" and "it's a fog brand new car!" and stuff. I think he looked up at the windshield, hoping to find a note or something- but this all happened so fast that my brain might be making up details to fit into the blank spots. I've actually slowed down a bit by now because it's uncomfortable being around really pod off people. And to be honest, I was super confused about what was going on. For a second, I actually forgot wh
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 06
    Font - But you know that weird twisting feeling where you re-orient yourself from the confusion and snap back to reality? That happened. I realized that he had made the same mistake that I made. And so I did what anyone would naturally do- I called out "hey- it's OK. That's my car!" Which backfired. Spectacularly. The Idiot must have thought that I meant "That's my car's door that smacked into yours!" Which only made him madder. He started yelling things like "what the fð?!?" and more of "it's a
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 07
    Font - And that's when he opened the driver-side rear door on MY car (i.e. the one with the large ding). And then he slammed it into HIS car. Hard. It made dent (took a little paint off the edge of my door too, but I didn't notice that until later). So at that point I yelled "Hey! Stop that!" Which only made him more upset, because he responded with "Oh you don't like that? Shut the f up!" Or words to that effect. I'm paraphrasing here.
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 08
    Font - So, I guess in a nutshell that's my malicious "compliance." I did exactly what he said: shut the fup and let him slam my car door into his car a couple more times. And I let him try to kick it too. There wasn't enough room between the two cars for a good Chuck Norris roundhouse, so he had to be satisfied with a weak-sauce knee to the rear quarter panel. But kudos for trying, Idiot. You gave it your best shot.
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 09
    Font - I wish I was some kind of heroic Viking warrior who could come to the defense of his property. But my flabby a wimpy dadbod isn't up to a fight in a Walmart parking lot. So I backed my cart full of ice cream and frozen tater tots right the fuo of there and started booking it back to the Walmart, intending to ask for help from a security guard.
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 10
    Font - I sincerely regret that because I did not get to see the moment when the scales fell from The Idiot's eyes and he realized that he had been beating the sout of his own car. I can only imagine that it was one of the most epic epiphanies of his angry life. And to compound my disappointment, he exited the parking lot in the opposite direction, preventing me from seeing the extent of the damage he had done. I didn't get to applaud either.
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 11
    Font - This whole episode took maybe five minutes, tops. Probably less. But aside from a little lost paint on the edge of my door (that was probably going to have to be replaced anyway), I was fine. Him, notsomuch. tl;dr: parked my damaged car next to a nearly identical car of the same make/model/color. Owner of the other car mistook my car for his, noticed the ding, thought I was responsible because we were parked so close to each other. Exacted his revenge- on his own car, at his own request,
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 12
    Rectangle - Hattix +2.7 hr. ago Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Vote Reply Share 7 hr. ago Strong University_14 That's a quote from Sun Tzu "The Art of Parking" Vote Reply Share
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 13
    Font - YardFudge +28 hr. ago. Ok, now that was funny. Rare. Good write up too I'd say it was MC enough for us, though actually observing the fallout would have been best Vote Reply Share
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 14
    Font - Colanasou 7 hr. ago Imagine him having to tell his wife what happened too Vote SSNs4evr Reply Share +3.7 hr. ago Oh, he told his wife the truth....someone else's car door was opened, and hit our new car. Reply Share Vote ●●● ...
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 15
    Font - +2.6 hr. ago Ask Walmart howmuch it would cost you to get a copy of the security footage from that part of the parking lot from that day. vernes1978 Vote Reply Share -JakeRay- +3.6 hr. ago Yeah, I'd at least want his plates so if Angry Dude damaged my door while using it as a weapon against his own car, I could go after his insurance. And probably it'd be good to have the footage as defense in case Angry Dude is also stupid and tries to make some weird claim against OP. ↑ Vote ↓ Reply Sha
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 16
    Font - fizzlefist +3.7 hr. ago I will never understand being that level of piod off. Vote RevRagnarok +2.7 hr. ago Really - even if it was OP's fault, that's definitely lawsuit-worthy. Vote Reply Share Vote Reply Share fizzlefist +3.7 hr. ago No, being so pod that you lose р all reason and start beating s out of rage. Reply Share ●●●
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 17
    Font - Kidiri907 hr. ago Man. If only there was some unique identifier at the front and back of cars! Vote Reply Share
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 18
    Rectangle - trro16p 6 hr. ago You should have asked wal-mart for the parking lot security footage. You know, to give to your insurance agent. <.< >.> Vote Reply Share ...
    via u/gaspronomib
  • 19
    Rectangle - lurker2358 · 6 hr. ago While staying till the end would have been hilarious, this guy sounds like the kind that would then alt OP for "making me do this". Perfectly handled, I think. Vote Reply Share ●●●
    via u/gaspronomib

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